When I was a kid and had a kids’ crush on some young lady, I would often pick a daisy, a beautiful wildflower, from one of the fields on our Pennsylvania Farm. It was a superstitious way to determine if the young lady loved me. You would pull off a petal and say, “She loves me”, then the next petal, “She loves me not”, and then keep going petal after petal with the hope that when you had one last petal left the verdict would be, “She loves me”. In reality, it meant nothing.

That’s the way many hurting kids go through life, wondering if anyone loves them one day, and the next day thinking that someone might love them. We all desire to be loved by someone. In situations of divorce a child is often left feeling like Mom or Dad doesn’t really love them. After all, maybe Dad, or Mom, has deserted the family. The sense of rejection and hurt from that is incredible. No one senses it more than the children. Sometimes Mom or Dad starts dating another and that new person becomes the new center of the parents’ universe leaving the children feeling pushed aside.

Today there are thousands of hurting kids going through life thinking they are unloved and rejected. I felt that way many times growing up, and know the raw emotion in the heart. It so reflects itself in the life of the child. You may see it as depression, it can be reflected in bad relationships and acting out or in turning to drugs and sex. Often times the negative behavior is a crying out for love, “Oh I want someone to love me”. Kids may turn to gangs or some other group just seeking some form of acceptance, understanding and love – even a very questionable “love”.

These same feelings carry on well into adulthood, and if they are not cared for can lead to some pretty dangerous places. There are those sitting in prison today that were on a search for acceptance and love. There are unwed Moms who were just seeking for someone to love them, and mistakenly thought sexual pursuits would provide it, only to find it did not. Some kids have made the ultimate decision to end their lives, all because they felt as though no one loved them and no one ever would.

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Judy Blore, a bereavement expert, in her article, “How to Help a Grieving Child” says,

“Grief is an agony for anyone, any age, any maturity, any faith. Grief takes time. It is a process of letting go of something familiar and taking hold of something in the future.”

Have you ever considered the child of divorce or separating cohabitating parents as being in agony? Judy also says,

“Children will generally exhibit one of three behavioral responses to changes in their lives: they will act out, withdraw, or become the responsible manager of the family. Many, including myself, think that the third option is the most dangerous.”

The same thing can be said about the child of divorce, and I agree with Judy on the third option. For the child with splitting parents who has to take on the role of manager of the family, it only gets worse with time as one or both parents start to date. Now the “manager” tries to protect younger siblings, or they might become the confidant or best friend of the parent, a role that is too much of a burden on young souls.

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About the Book

The Pigeon Has Feelings, Too! is the sequel to the popular Don’t Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus! book. It follows the activities of a pigeon and his acquaintance the bus driver.

Who Is This Book For?

The Pigeon Has Feelings, Too! is a board book aimed primarily at younger children and potentially very early readers. It recommended age range is 0-4.

Our Synopsis of the Book

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Welcome to Part 9 of 10 in our series on child abuse and neglect. Today, we will be laying out some additional sources of information on child abuse and neglect used throughout this report. 

Most of the information in this article was garnered from the following sources. While I have not attempted to site individual sources for each piece of information presented, I am grateful to these resources for providing the information that comprises this article. I hope that the accumulation and synthesis of the information from these numerous sources will help those who work with kids, and particularly those who work with kids in a church setting, to be better equipped to understand the risks and types of child maltreatment, recognize the signs of maltreatment and develop a plan for responding to suspected maltreatment.

What Is Child Abuse and Neglect? (April 2008), Department of Health and Human Services: The Child Welfare Information Gateway of the U.S.(https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/whatiscan/)

Child Maltreatment Surveillance: Uniform Definitions for Public Health and Recommended Data Elements, Version 1.0 (January 2008), Department of Health and Human Services: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention National Center for Injury Prevention and Control. (http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/CM_Surveillance-a.pdf)

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H4HK FAQs are designed to answer questions kids and teens ask when facing difficult situations and circumstances in their lives.

Your parents would not have gotten a divorce if their relationship had not been strained in the first place.  In addition, divorce is a hard and stressful time, and many parents come out of a divorce with even more bitter feelings towards one another.  They should understand and appreciate that the other parent is still your parent and still important to you, but sometimes they mess up, forget that or ignore that fact and say things they shouldn’t say either to you or in front of you.

When your parents say bad things about one another, there are a few different things you should try to make the situation better.

1. Remember that there are two sides to every story, and often when we tell stories or talk about other people we are biased by our emotions and circumstances. Make your own judgments about your parents based on your own knowledge and not based on second-hand stories or comments from one parent.
2. Talk to your parents about the situation.  Tell them that you understand they may be upset with your other parent but that you still love them both and won’t pick one over the other.  Let them know that it hurts you to hear them saying negative things about the other parent.  Try to do this in a respectful way, but make it clear that your parent’s actions are hurting you as well, and ask them to stop talking badly about the other parent.  Hopefully this will be enough to get them to stop bad mouthing your other parent.
3. If it is too difficult to have a conversation with your parent, write them a letter explaining the situation and asking them to stop.
4. If you communicate with your parents and they continue to bad mouth the other parent, make a point of removing yourself from the situation next time one parent starts to speak negatively about the other.  It is not healthy for you to continue to listen to it.
5. Remember that parents make mistakes too.  Try to forgive them even when they don’t ask for forgiveness.

Remember, no matter what one parent may say, you have the right to love both of your parents and have both of them in your life. Sometimes when one parent says something bad about the other, it is almost as if they are saying that thing about you. After all, you are one-half of each of your parents. Try not to take what your parents say personally, and remember that their words do not define who you are as a person or an individual. You are not defined by their choices or actions.

This week our church has had Vacation Bible School, or as it is known in church circles “VBS.” Rooms throughout the church are decorated from top to bottom. Teachers have been trained. Supplies, snacks and treats are ready to go. Music videos have been practiced, and the gospel has been adequately presented. Every day kids come in with big smiles on their faces. They have laughed, danced, sung and shouted out the scriptures. As they leave each day we high five, do a fist bump and even hug many of them.

There has been one thing missing from our VBS though – there are very few children from divorced homes attending our VBS. I know these kids are in our community. After all, they are in every community. So, why aren’t they at VBS? I imagine most of your VBS programs are experiencing a similar dilemma.

Have you taken time to check your registration forms to see what the family make up is for the kids attending your VBS? More than likely you’ll discover that kids from divorced homes are largely missing. Why are there not more children from divorced families attending VBS nationwide? Have you ever wondered about it?

Years ago when I operated a child care in Oklahoma, I offered to transport children in our program to a local church for VBS. While the parents wanted their kids to attend VBS, they were working during the day and couldn’t take off from work to get them to and from the church. The most appreciative parents were those of the kids in single parent homes. Many of these parents didn’t attend church themselves, but they wanted their kids to go to VBS.

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Welcome to Part 8 of 10 in our series on child abuse and neglect. Today, we will be examining how to report suspected abuse or neglect. 

Where to Report Suspected Child Maltreatment

To find out who to call in your state, visit the State Child Abuse Reporting Numbers page at the Child Welfare Information Gateway. The Child Welfare Information Gateway also includes a listing of Toll-Free Crisis Hotline Numbers that you should keep on file.

You can also contact Childhelp®. Childhelp® is a national organization providing crisis assistance and other counseling and referral services. The Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline is staffed 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, with professional crisis counselors who have access to a database of 55,000 emergency, social service, and support resources. All calls are anonymous. Contact them at 1.800.4.A.CHILD (1.800.422.4453).

Who is Required to Report Suspected Abuse?

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Editor’s Note: Today, February 23, 2018 is “Stand Up to Bullying Day.” Jackie Glass, a contributor to Hope 4 Hurting Kids, asked that we publish this article from her about bullying back on Stand Up to Bullying Day in 2012. 

Ever since I was a little girl, I have rooted for the underdog. And, this is not simply because I’m a Cubs fan. My “underdog” antenna always seemed extra sensitive. I remember feeling extreme sadness when no students on the bus would move over and let the boy from the farm sit next to them. I remember a girl being called “titanic” even though she was not overweight. I felt weird for crying when people I hardly knew endured pain. I had no idea how this seemingly silly sensitivity would continue to transform my beliefs about people’s value and equality.

Fast forward my life and here I am today, passionate about bullying—passionate about equality for people. Bullying is especially close to my heart because the definition of bullying is an imbalance of power amongst two people with a bully seeking to gain power and control (Garrett). This goes against the very belief that all people are created EQUAL and possess equal value.

However, we’ve been lead astray. We tend to believe that aggressive behavior trumps assertive behavior, and we see children repeating these behaviors in preschools, elementary and high schools, and brace yourselves…even in our workplace and families.

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Fishing for Feelings is a fun game to play with kids to help them learn about emotions. With our template and a few magnets, you can create a game that will help preschool through elementary aged kids to Jump In! Stand Strong! Rise Up! Fishing for feelings is a great game to help kids start to master the skills included in the Super Simple Feelings Management Technique

Here’s how Fishing for Feelings works.

First download our easy to use template by clicking here or on the picture of the template to the right. Follow the instructions in the template for creating the emotion circles and playing the game.

We bought pre-made reinforced circles at Hobby Lobby and colorful magnets for minimal cost to make the game more aesthetically pleasing, but you can certainly cut your own reinforcing circles and use other magnets if you prefer. (NOTE: the link included for magnets are white as we found the color ones in our local store, but they are not available online)

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Many children’s leaders feel that children from divorced homes exhibit challenging behaviors. That might be because these children seem distracted. Or they just sit there with a blank stare and you are sure they aren’t hearing one word that is said. Or is it because these kids are hyper? They move and fidget and distract other kids. They try to run away or they yell, scream and even spit sometimes.

Have you ever come across a child that you are sure is …. uh….. well… to put it bluntly ….demon possessed or filled with an evil spirit? We read about demon-possessed and people filled with an evil spirit in the Bible.