About the Book

When Dinosaurs Die is part of the series of books by Laurie Krasny Brown and Marc Brown that also includes Dinosaurs Divorce – A Guide For Changing Families which we also highly recommend. It is a colorful and well written explanation of death and grief designed to help give kids who have lost a loved information about what is going on.

Who Is This Book For?

This book is aimed primarily at kids in first through third grade though younger and older kids who have experienced a death will most definitely benefit from reading the book or having it read to them.

Our Synopsis of the Book

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Judy Blore, a bereavement expert, in her article, “How to Help a Grieving Child” says,

“Grief is an agony for anyone, any age, any maturity, any faith. Grief takes time. It is a process of letting go of something familiar and taking hold of something in the future.”

Have you ever considered the child of divorce or separating cohabitating parents as being in agony? Judy also says,

“Children will generally exhibit one of three behavioral responses to changes in their lives: they will act out, withdraw, or become the responsible manager of the family. Many, including myself, think that the third option is the most dangerous.”

The same thing can be said about the child of divorce, and I agree with Judy on the third option. For the child with splitting parents who has to take on the role of manager of the family, it only gets worse with time as one or both parents start to date. Now the “manager” tries to protect younger siblings, or they might become the confidant or best friend of the parent, a role that is too much of a burden on young souls.

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Grief and worry can often leave young people feeling all alone and isolated. The Shield of Strength is a fun craft and activity to get kids thinking about their own assets and other people in their lives that can be there to help them when they need it the most. You can click on the picture above to get a downloadable template for the Shield of Strength as well as the instructions.

Here’s how it works:

1. Draw a shield pattern like the one above on a large piece of cardboard or poster board.
2. Divide the shield into four sections by drawing a horizontal and vertical line.
3. Label the four quadrants as “Family,” “Friends,” “Skills” and “Others.”
4. Cut the shield out.
5. Write people or skills/abilities in each section that can help to protect you or help you feel better when you’re feeling down.
6. Keep the shield as a reminder that you are never alone in the struggles and difficulties that you face.
7. Instead of making a large shield, you can use the template on the following page to create a smaller version.

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The Grief Maze is a useful for tool for helping kids, and adults, to understand the grief process with all of its twists and turns. Here is what the text says on the Grief Maze handout:

Grief is a lot like a maze. Sometimes you move forward. Other times, like your grief journey, you will run into obstacles and road blocks. Sometime you have to go backwards to go around a wall, and sometimes you have to retrace your steps. The important thing though, both in a maze and in grief, is that you continue to move forward and eventually you will reach your goal! As you complete this maze, think about your own grief journey and the obstacles you have faced along the way. What inspired you to continue moving forward?

You can give a grieving child a copy of the Grief Maze to work through on their own or work through it with them and use the opportunity to talk about the child’s grief. You can download a pdf copy of the Grief Maze by clicking on the image above or by clicking here.

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Losing a parent to death or to divorce is catastrophic for any child. There are different issues in the grief process between the death of a parent and death of your parent’s marriage.

When a child loses a parent due to death even young children can understand the concept that the body quit working. They all come across toys or things that break and quit working. Most have experienced the death of a pet, a goldfish or an insect they have found. While I’m not comparing the death of a goldfish to the loss and the grief involved in the death of a parent, the concept I want to convey is the idea of things no longer working. The goldfish’s body quit working. The toy quit working. The body of their parent quit working. That is the beginning of understanding the death of their parent.

In the death of a parent, other family members, the church, neighbors and possibly even the co-workers of the parent surround most families. Meals are brought in; gifts for the kids might be left. The remaining parent grieves and may weep and hug their child a lot. There is a lot of support and acknowledgment of the death. Ever so slowly the family develops a new normal and life moves forward.

There is no fighting about the kids and which parent the child will live or when the child will visit the other parent. There is no confusion about the parent that died loving the child. The parent is gone but the child still knows the parent is still part of the family unit, even if he or she is in heaven. The child doesn’t question the unity that brought him or her into existence. The other parent may pull out pictures and the child sees and remembers family life and the love that existed.

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The Grief Mask is a great way to get kids talking about grief and how we sometimes show the world a different face than what we are feeling on the inside. Kids often hide their grief for any number of reasons including:

• Fear of adding to the pain of an adult in their life.
• Not wanting to seem like “a child” who can’t handle it.
• Not wanting to deal with all the “sympathy.”
• Wanting to “feel normal” again.

Unfortunately, burying their grief for outward appearances only leads to more significant suffering when they face their grief in private. The grief mask can be an awesome tool for talking to kids about the need to express their feelings and the dangers of keeping it all inside.

Here’s how it works: Continue reading

About the Book

The Invisible String is a wonderful story meant to help kids who are feeling the anxiety, loneliness and hurt of being separated from someone they love.

Who Is This Book For?

This book is aimed primarily at elementary aged kids, but the story is universal and I can see older kids, teens and adults finding comfort in the story presented in this book. Whether the child has been separated from their loved one for short time (if suffering separation anxiety), a long distance (as in a divorce) or permanently (as in the case of death), the message presented in this book will help the child to remember that no matter the distance, they are still connected to their loved one by love.

Our Synopsis of the Book

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About the Book

Jesus Comfort Quilt is unique book designed for kids and adults grieving a loss. Part coloring book and part guide through the grieving process, this unique book will help kids and adults understand the grief process while creating a quilt from the various coloring pages.

Who Is This Book For?

This designed for kids ages 5-12 but will be a benefit to teens and younger children as well. The book has been used extensively by grief support groups as well as pastors and counselor supporting grieving children.

Our Synopsis of the Book

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About the Book

I Miss You: A First Look At Death by Pat Thomas is part of the “A First Look At…Book” designed to help kids in Kindergarten through 3rd grade cope with different events and circumstances they may find themselves in.

Who Is This Book For

The book is meant for kids who have experienced the death of someone special in their lives. The targeted age group is kindergarten through 3rd grade though we think it would be beneficial if read to younger kids and even for slightly older elementary aged kids who could read through it themselves.

Our Synopsis of the Book

The book covers the basics of what death is:

“When someone dies their body stops working – they stop breathing and their heart stops beating. They can’t think or feel anymore. They don’t eat or sleep.”

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The Grief Self-Exploration House is a great means for helping kids to understand their grief and what’s really important. Remember, when you’re helping a child to grieve, your role is to walk alongside them and help to facilitate the process of them working through their own grief, not to do their work for them. We originally found this awesome idea at The Grief Center. Here is how it works:

1. On a sheet of paper, have the child draw a picture of a house with the following specifications. Make sure they leave plenty of room in each section and object for writing or drawing. (You might want to use a large piece of paper.):
   • The house should have three stories and a roof.
   • The house should have a door on the first floor.
   • The roof of the house should include both a chimney and a flag.
2. If you’d rather not draw the picture, we’ve created a pdf file with a template (with and without instructions) at this link.
3. Have the child fill out each section of the house with words or drawings (depending on their age) as indicated below.
4. If the child wants to talk about what they’re writing or drawing, engage in those conversations but try not to force them to talk about anything they don’t want to.

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