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Modern Families

Look Out As Single Parents Are Affected By the Economy

Affected By the EconomyA few weeks ago I had three single moms in one of my single parent groups weeping. Why were they weeping? Because it was in the heat of the government shut down, and they were worried about how they were going to feed their children given the current economy and their circumstances.

Our church has a food pantry and I could make sure their children didn’t go hungry but really the issue of feeding their children wasn’t the main problem. The main problem was their perception about the situation.

Perception is a funny thing sometimes, especially when you are

  • Divorced
  • Stressed out about caring for your children
  • Barely able to function
  • Exhausted trying to maintain a two-parent schedule with a one-parent team
  • Working from the emotional level in your brain

Continue reading

April 24, 2019by Linda Ranson Jacobs
Modern Families

How Would You Encourage a Single Mom to Talk About the Girlfriend?

Talk About the GirlfriendRecently I got a text from a single mom. She is just starting the divorce journey. She has moved into an apartment and is making great strides in developing a healthy single parent home. This mom does not want the divorce but sometimes things are out of one’s control. Her kids are going with their dad to another state to visit the girlfriend. Mom wanted to know what she should tell her kids before they leave with the dad.

The children do not know about the girlfriend. They don’t know why their parents are getting a divorce. The boys love both parents, and they still want to live with both parents. The mom is wise to only give them the truth on their developmental level. She is also being smart not to run down the dad or the girlfriend. She continues to tell them they are going to be okay.

Her text was, “Tomorrow the boys are going to meet my husband’s girlfriend. Should I say something or tell them before they meet her?” This is a tough situation for any single parent.

The boys do not know they are going to meet someone new. My suggestion was to sit the boys down and talk to both boys at the same time. Use a matter of fact and calm voice. Here is what I suggested she say: Continue reading

March 20, 2019by Linda Ranson Jacobs
Modern Families

Is It Really a Happy New Year for the Single Parents in Your Church?

Happy New YearSingle parent gets depressed just thinking about the up and coming year. It has been a heavy burden just surviving this past year and now another one looms in front of them.

What can you do? How can you help? How do we minister to the single parent in a positive light and help them see the up and coming year as a transition year; a year where things are going to get better and they can draw closer to God, their children and others?

Describing a “transition year” to a single parent might go something like this:

It is the year where you put your business of parenting alone in the hands of the Lord.

Continue reading

December 31, 2018by Linda Ranson Jacobs
Modern Families

Who’s Missing From the Dance?

Father Daughter DanceA few years back, my then nine-year old daughter (Lyndsey) and I went to her school’s Father/Daughter Mother/Son Valentine’s Day Dance. I brought her flowers and she had a corsage. I ironed a shirt and put on my suit. She got dressed up, and we headed off for the elementary school gym. When we got there (we were fashionably late), the place was packed. The second we walked in the door, my daughter announced,

“Bye, I’m going to find my friends,”

Continue reading

September 17, 2018by Wayne Stocks
Modern Families

Helping Teens Adjust to Stepparents (KidsHealth.org)

Adjust to Stepparents

“Helping Teens Adjust to Stepparents” from the TeensHealth portion of KidHealth.org helps teens deal with adjusting to having a new stepparent.  Many times adjusting to a parent dating and/or getting remarried can be harder than the initial divorce.  The article does not sugar coat the situation:

In some families, new adults and kids seem to fit in easily, as though they’ve been there all along. But some families brought together through marriage can be so different that the best everyone can do is grit their teeth and work hard to get through a weekend together…Sometimes a stepparent can feel like a stranger who is suddenly inserted into the most personal aspects of your life. The pressure to get along can be intense.

Despite these issue, the article presents some practical things teens can do to adjust to these new step family situations including advice on how to deal with emotions like:

  • Keeping a journal
  • Seeking support from a friend
  • Talking to your parent or another trusted adult

Continue reading

September 14, 2018by Wayne Stocks
Modern Families

Helping Children Build Stepfamilies That Work (KidsHealth.org)

Stepfamilies That Work“Helping Children Build Stepfamilies That Work” from Kidshealth.org will help children dealing with step and blended families.  It covers issues like getting used to stepparents, what to do if you can’t get along with your new stepparent and how to make a healthy transition into a step family.

The article offers a realistic picture of what a child might be going through:

Suddenly having a new adult in your life and your home can be really tough. You’ll probably have lots of questions, like what you should call your stepdad or stepmom. (Some families use the person’s first name.)

You also might wonder about rules and whether you really have to listen to your stepparent even if he or she is not your real mom or dad. A stepparent is another adult who’s looking out for you, so it’s best to give him or her the same level of respect you give your own parents, coach, or teacher at school.

Continue reading

August 20, 2018by Wayne Stocks
Modern Families

7 Keys To Making Co-Parenting Work

Co-ParentingRosalind Sedacca shares seven keys to making your co-parenting relationship work for your kids following a divorce. Although you can’t eliminate the impact of divorce on your kids, working together and following some basic rules can make post-divorce life easier on your kids.

Rosalind explains,

As a divorce and parenting coach, I’ve found that children of divorce do best when both of their parents continue to be actively involved in their lives. It’s the ongoing connection that makes the positive difference for these children, minimizing the fact that their parents no longer live together.

That’s why co-parenting is so universally encouraged after divorce as a significant way to reduce the long-term emotional impact on children. Co-parenting styles and arrangements can differ widely from family to family to suit their individual needs. However, most all professionals agree that co-parenting will only succeed if some basic agreements are made and kept and significant mistakes are avoided.

Continue reading

August 17, 2018by Wayne Stocks
Modern Families

Why Promiscuity is a Form of Self-Mutilation for Fatherless Daughters

Fatherless DaughtersLink to “Why Promiscuity is a Form of Self-Mutilation for Fatherless Daughters:” http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/16/daddyless-daughters-promiscuity-self-mutilation_n_3600946.html?ref=politics&ir=Divorce

Fatherlessness is an epidemic in our world today. Too frequently, daughters who never knew their father or lose their fathers to divorce turn to a string of men to try to fill that void in their lives.  In this article, they discuss how this promiscuity is actually a form of self-mutilation.  Make sure to watch the video that goes along with the article.

For more resources and information on divorce, family disruption and modern families please visit our Hope 4 Hurting Kids Divorce and Modern Family Help Center.
June 29, 2018by Wayne Stocks
Modern Families

Reaching Out to Non-Custodial Parents

Non-Custodial ParentsIn children’s ministry we believe, at least we should believe, that parents are important to the spiritual upbringing and nurture of their children. This is, after all, the basis of the entire “orange” theory of children’s ministry – that the church and parents working together can have a greater influence on a child’s life than either one working independently. We strive to find ways to encourage and engage parents. We talk about leveraging our time with the children at church by equipping parents to continue the conversation at home. We minister to families and parents, all in an effort to help parents lead their kids at home. This, of course, is a scripturally sound idea. We need look no further than Deuteronomy 6 for God’s plan for passing on spiritual truth:

Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. [Deuteronomy 6:4-9 ESV]

Continue reading

June 11, 2018by Wayne Stocks
Modern Families

How to Address the Single Parent’s Concerns Regarding the Other Home

Other HomeTHE SINGLE PARENT DILEMMA

What do you say to the single parent that comes to you with this problem?

“What can I do about my kids being exposed to things they shouldn’t be when they are at their other parent’s home? He shows them R rated movies, plays music that’s not appropriate for their age and has his latest girlfriend spending the night while they are there. What can I do? He even has different social and religious standards. My kids, who are only in elementary school, are already seeing a difference in what I allow and what their father allows.”

Continue reading

June 6, 2018by Linda Ranson Jacobs
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