Welcome to part 4 of our 10 part series on child abuse and neglect. Today, we will be exploring the increased risks of child abuse and neglect for children of divorce, cohabiting households and single parent families. 

One of the portions of the NIS-4 report that struck us was the increased risk of abuse and neglect for children of divorce, children living in cohabiting relationships and children living in single parent families. Throughout this discussion of different charts and statistics below, you will note that one thing is absolutely consistent; the least risk of child maltreatment is for those children living with married biological parents. Let’s have a look.

This first chart looks at all instances of harm standard maltreatment as well as specific rates of abuse and neglect by family structure. By far, the largest risk of maltreatment to kids is when they are in a living situation with one parent and that parent’s cohabiting partner with 57.2 children per thousand in this living arrangement suffering maltreatment. That is 8.4 times higher than the rate for children living with married biological parents (6.8 per thousand). Cohabiting married parents and other married parents, such as step families, have the next lowest rates at 23.5 and 24.4 per thousand respectively. Children in single parent families are maltreated at a rate of 28.4 per thousand.

The rates for abuse follow a similar pattern with the exception of the fact that kids living in other married parents and cohabiting biological parent homes are more likely to be abused than those living in single parent families. Neglect follows the same pattern as all maltreatment except for the fact that kids in a home with cohabiting biological parents are slightly more likely to be neglected than those from homes classified as “other married parents.”

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H4HK FAQs are designed to answer questions kids and teens ask when facing difficult situations and circumstances in their lives.

Sometimes when parents talk to kids about things like divorce, they forget that you might not know what a divorce even is.  Or, you might think you know what divorce is all about, but not really understand what it means when your parents get divorced.  That’s ok, but it is helpful to know what a divorce really is when you hear the word used – especially if you are right in the middle of your parents’ divorce.

The word “divorce” is a legal term (something used by lawyers and judges) for when one or both people who are married choose to no longer be married to one another and end up no longer living together.  They sign some legal papers that say that they are single again and free to marry someone else if they choose to do that. Although your day-to-day living arrangements might change, divorce does not in any way change either of your parents’ relationships with you.  Even though your parents are no longer wife and husband, they are still your mom and dad.

Because divorce is a legal proceeding, the people involved (your mom and dad) usually have lawyers or attorneys to explain the laws to them and speak for them in court.  If your parents are getting divorced, you may have to speak to the lawyer for one or both of your parents.  In some cases (especially where parents are having a really hard time getting along), a special lawyer or person is appointed for the child to represent their interests during the divorce.  This person is appointed by the court and are often called a Guardian Ad Litem.  In some places, they are called Court Appointed Special Advocates.

The purpose of the divorce proceeding (including all the meetings and court appearances) is to determine how to split up the assets (all the stuff your parents own) and the custody of any children (how much time you will spend with each parent and when).

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Last week we discussed what was happening in the brains of children that are fearful or scared. This week let’s expand that concept and look at stress and the brain.

What is Stress?

Stress is the body’s way of reacting to challenging events, one of which for children is the divorce of their parents. Stress in children can affect them physically, emotionally and mentally.

Stress and the Child of Divorce

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Answering the Question “Why Do We Lose Control of Our Emotions” is a key first step in helping kids understand their emotions. This is the focus of the first step of Hope 4 Hurting Kids’ Jump In! Stand Strong! Rise Up! Method (A Comprehensive Plan for Dealing With Emotions). This video from Kids Want to Know is a great explanation for kids and adults of how emotions get out of control and how our brain reacts when they do.

The video’s YouTube page explains more:
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Welcome to part 3 of our 10 part series on child abuse and neglect. Today, we will be introducing the national survey that served as the basis for the statistics included in this article. 

Before we jump right in to the alarming statistics regarding child maltreatment, some background on the source of the information used for this article and a definition of terms would be helpful. For purposes of the statistics cited in this report, we have utilized the Fourth National Incidence Study of Child Abuse and Neglect (NIS-4).

What is the National Incidence Study of Child Abuse?

In January 2010, a report entitled “Fourth National Incidence Study of Child Abuse and Neglect (NIS-4) was released by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. That report is referred to herein as NIS-4. The National Incidence Study is a periodically mandated effort of the United States Department of Health and Human Services to report on the level of child abuse and neglect in the United States. NIS-4 was mandated by Congress in 2003. Data was collected during 2005 and 2006, and the report was issued in 2010. Prior NIS reports, also mandated by Law were done in 1979 & 1980 (NIS-1), 1986 (NIS-2) and 1993 (NIS-3).

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H4HK FAQs are designed to answer questions kids and teens ask when facing difficult situations and circumstances in their lives.

If your parents are separated or divorced, you may have a lot of spiritual questions about God and faith and the church.  Many times when parents get divorced, kids begin to wonder about why they even exist and sometimes that leads to tough questions about God and faith.  Here at I Am A Child of Divorce, we want to help you as you search through and struggle with many of those questions.  So, we have created a section for “Questions About Spiritual Stuff” that will address these question.

We recognize that discussions about God can be very polarizing and controversial, but the fact of the matter is that God can help you heal after your parents divorce and provide hope.  To ignore that may avoid some controversy, but it would not be fair to you (as someone whose parents divorced) to ignore the issue all together.

Our goal in tackling spiritual issues is to be as honest and as forthright as we know how to be.  If you don’t feel like these particular questions or issues apply to you, please just ignore them and continue to utilize the rest of I Am A Child of Divorce to help yourself in whatever way possible.  However, if you do have questions about God and Faith, we hope that these answers will help you to sort through those issues.

Even if you do not believe in God, or feel like you don’t need faith, I would encourage you to at least read through these questions and answers.  While the principal issues addressed are indeed about God and Faith, they also deal with the broader issues of meaning and existence.  Regardless of what you believe, these are issues that we all have to face and divorce sometimes forces us to face them earlier than we would like.

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The Brain’s Reaction to Fear

We know from the brain research and from studying the experts on brain-based learning that fear strikes at the heart of learning. When a child is fearful or feels unsafe the learning brain begins to power down so to speak. Learning becomes more difficult if not impossible.

Have you ever had something scare the daylights out of you? What were you feeling at the time? Most of us probably don’t think about what we were feeling when that car zipped through the stop light in front of us and we had to slam on our breaks. We just react to the situation. Our brains do what they were supposed to do – they react and keep us safe by helping us to slam on our breaks.

Feeling safe is a basic instinct that each person has, and fear is a basic human emotion. From the time we are born our brains are equipped with the fight or flight capability. This fight or flight capacity is found in the lower level of the brain called the brain stem. Many times we can sense or feel when something is dangerous. Fear can be intense, mild or medium depending on the situation. Fear can be brief or long lasting.

From KidsHealth.org (http://tinyurl.com/6u28czx) we read, Continue reading

We are excited to announce that at Hope 4 Hurting Kids we are hard at work on a new resource, and we are excited today to give you a sneak peek. Tentatively named “150 Emotion Words Every Child Should Know – By Age,” we hope to have this resource completed and ready for you by Spring or early Summary of 2018.

Step 2 of the Jump In! portion of our Comprehensive Emotional Management System here at Hope 4 Hurting Kids, is “Say It!” Say It! is all about helping kids to develop a robust emotional vocabulary, and we set out to create a resource to help parents and other adults to just that. While still in the developmental stage, “150 Emotion Words Every Child Should Know – By Age” will be a collection of 150 emotions, grouped by age, that every kid should know. Each entry will explore one emotion in-depth including a kid friendly definition, related emotion words, opposites and examples to help parents and other adults talk to kids about each emotion.  Additionally, emotions are grouped by age to give parents and other adults a way of gauging a particular child’s progress in understanding and naming emotions.

If you are interested in receiving a link to this resource when it is available, please fill out the short form below. This is not a “give something away free – then inundate you with emails” scheme. We simply want to make sure that if you are interested in the resource now, we get it to you when it finally comes available.

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Welcome to Part 2 of our 10 part series on child abuse and neglect. Today, we will be exploring the various types of child abuse and neglect. 

Abuse and neglect are difficult words to define as we will see later in this article when we start to examine the many different kinds of abuse. Let’s look first at what abuse and neglect are according to federal law. In a pamphlet entitled, What Is Child Abuse and Neglect?, the Child Welfare Information Gateway of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services explains that:

“Federal legislation lays the groundwork for State by identifying a minimum set of acts or behaviors that define child abuse and neglect.”

Most laws at the federal and state level cover abuse and neglect inflicted by parents and other child caregivers and do not extend to harm caused by other people which are covered under other statutes. The minimum standards set by federal law define child abuse and neglect as: Continue reading

H4HK FAQs are designed to answer questions kids and teens ask when facing difficult situations and circumstances in their lives.

When your parents get separated or divorced, you will experience emotions that you may never have had before.  You will also experience emotions much more deeply than you ever have before.  That is normal.  If your parents just recently told you that they are separating or getting a divorce, you are probably still trying to get used to the idea.  You may even be in shock or denial (unwilling to accept the news).

An announcement like that can cause you to feel sad, angry, depressed, lonely, guilty or many other emotions.  It is important that you find someone to talk to about what you’re feeling and what you’re going through.  Find someone you trust (other than your parents) to share your feelings with.  This can be a trusted adult like a teacher, someone from church, or a family friend.  It is important that you “get it out” and not let your emotions just get “bottled up inside.”

It might not seem like it right now, but with time things will get better.  Your life will never be the same as it used to be, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t be happy again.  Don’t rush it.  Take your time.  It’s ok if you don’t feel happy and and it’s ok if you do.  Everyone is unique, and while your friends may seem happy within months of their parents’ divorce, it might take you a year, or two or more.  Or, you might feel like you’ve finally found happiness again one day only to lose it when something else happens.

Hang in there!  Divorce hurts, and it will hurt for years to come, but you and your parents can create a new normal.  As you get used to the new routine, you will find that the things that used to make you happy can make you happy once again.

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