Family

Before there was a Hope 4 Hurting Kids, we were helping kids from divorced homes and other types of modern families under the names Divorce Ministry 4 Kids and I Am A Child of Divorce. While the number and types of kids and teens that we help has expanded, our commitment and passion for helping kids who have experienced the loss of family disruption has not. Here you will find the vast (and expanding) library of information and resources dedicated to all sorts of modern families and other family issues. If you want to limit your search to one area, please click on one of the options below.

Allowing Children of Divorce to Disciple
Allowing Children of Divorce to Disciple and Minister
Many times when one reads articles or post about kids of divorce, we read about hurting children. However, we have hundreds of children in our churches that are healing from the devastation of divorce. These are kids whose parents have kept them in church. Have you considered allowing children of divorce to disciple and minister to other hurting kids? These are also the children that been through DC4K, Divorce Care for Kids. These are the kids that are back on their feet. They have crossed the victory line so to speak. While they will always have to deal with the ...
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heart attack
Kids Have a Heart Attack?
We don't usually think about little children having a heart attack. The kind of heart attack I’m talking about is affecting thousands of children. It is the emotional and spiritual heart attack they experience when their family falls apart. The family could be a divorcing family or a never married family. To a child, it makes no difference if their parents were legally married or involved in a co-habitation situation. For years children have told me their hearts hurt. When I ask them where it hurts, they will lay their little hands over their hearts and say, “It hurts right ...
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But Card
When Children of Divorce Play the “But Card”
Children who make the following statements might be confused about whose authority they are supposed to follow. Another scenario is they might be trying to play one parent against the other. We call it playing the "but card." “But Dad wouldn't do it that way.” “But mom lets us have it.” “But dad said if we didn’t want to go to bed early we don’t have to. He said so.” “But mom said we have to do our homework as soon as we get home. She said if it's a problem for you to call her.” When a single parent ...
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lies
Ask Me No Questions and I’ll Tell You No Lies
Unfortunately children of divorce have a lot of questions to ask but many times they don’t know whom to ask. When they do ask, many are told lies or maybe not really lies but half-truths. Children need the truth not lies or made up stories. I have always advocated that children be told the truth on their developmental level. Never should they be told sordid details about the other parent. Single parents need to protect the child and the other parent’s image. The other parent is just that – the child’s other parent. The child is not the one divorcing ...
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nothing was right
When Nothing Was Right
One time I was working with the cutest little single parent family. There were three children. Michael was the middle child in between two bossy sisters. One morning he was really grouchy. Nothing was right. His clothes bothered him. He didn’t like his breakfast. His paper kept moving around when he was trying to draw a picture. He was mad at both sisters and people were just getting in his way and bothering him. After putting up with his tirades for most of the morning his big sister said, “Michael what is wrong with you? You have been grouchy all ...
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Single Parent Get Unstuck
Helping the Single Parent Get Unstuck
Many divorcing single parents seem to get stuck in dealing with finances, in relationships, in the past, in helping their children and in many other ways. Have you ever thought about how to get those single parents unstuck? I just had a long conversation with a single mom who feels like she is stuck and can’t get unstuck. She has reached out to her church where she is a member. She has reached out to the church where she attended DivorceCare. One of the Christian women said to her recently, “I don’t understand why your financial situation hasn’t changed? What’s ...
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Forget to Tell the Kids
What We Forget to Tell the Kids
Most little kids like me. It’s always been that way. I’ve taught school, preschool, church classes, after school clubs, etc. and for the most part little kids like me. But do you know why they like me? It’s because I tell the kids to like me and because I treat them well. They know they matter. For years I ran a therapeutic preschool and school age afterschool program. I had a teacher who worked for me and she couldn’t figure out why all the kids said I was their favorite teacher. Down through the years she taught early childhood classes, ...
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Middle School Aged Kids
Do Some Middle School Aged Kids Do Better When It Comes to Dealing With Divorce?
Recently I had a middle school teacher ask me a question that proved to be fairly thought provoking. I wanted to share his question and my thoughts toward his question. His question: As a middle school teacher, I always wonder why some students deal very well with divorce, while others don't. I would never make the assumption that they don't do well, because many do. There are many variables on kids in middle school and why they might do well with a divorce while others struggle. The age they were when their parents divorced could make a difference. If their ...
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Misconceptions About Children of Divorce
5 Misconceptions About Children of Divorce and Their Families
In order to minister to children of divorce, we have to understand them. Unfortunately, many people who minister to children hold some common misperceptions about children of divorce and their families. They might not realize the extent to which these children are hurting. Or they might not be able to relate as some kids deal with sadness and depression as they try to hide their feelings or other kids who act out because they simply don’t understand what is happening in their families. The following are five misconceptions about children of divorce and their families people have shared with me: ...
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Nesting
Nesting and the Child of Divorce
Nesting is a term often used by family courts, lawyers and divorcing parents. It means the parents continue to share a residence after the divorce for the sake of the children. The parents stay at the family home with the children when it is their scheduled visitation time. The other parent stays someplace else during that time. The thought behind this premise is that staying in the family home will make the transition from the intact family to the divorced family easier on the children. All I can say about this idea is the verdict is still out on whether ...
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Empathy and the Child of Divorce
The Power of Empathy and the Child of Divorce
What is the difference in the two closely related words empathy and sympathy? Empathy is the ability to mutually experience the thoughts, emotions, and direct experience of others. It goes beyond sympathy, which is a feeling of care and understanding for the suffering of others. When I empathize with a child of divorce, I’m sharing some aspect of what they are experiencing. When I sympathize, I’m recognizing they are suffering and I feel sorrow for them but I don’t necessary feel or understand the experience. Empathy = sharing one’s pain. Sympathy = sorrow for one’s pain. I know some of ...
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Happy New Year
Is It Really a Happy New Year for the Single Parents in Your Church?
Single parent gets depressed just thinking about the up and coming year. It has been a heavy burden just surviving this past year and now another one looms in front of them. What can you do? How can you help? How do we minister to the single parent in a positive light and help them see the up and coming year as a transition year; a year where things are going to get better and they can draw closer to God, their children and others? Describing a “transition year” to a single parent might go something like this: It is ...
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