Rosalind Sedacca shares seven keys to making your co-parenting relationship work for your kids following a divorce. Although you can’t eliminate the impact of divorce on your kids, working together and following some basic rules can make post-divorce life easier on your kids.
Rosalind explains,
As a divorce and parenting coach, I’ve found that children of divorce do best when both of their parents continue to be actively involved in their lives. It’s the ongoing connection that makes the positive difference for these children, minimizing the fact that their parents no longer live together.
That’s why co-parenting is so universally encouraged after divorce as a significant way to reduce the long-term emotional impact on children. Co-parenting styles and arrangements can differ widely from family to family to suit their individual needs. However, most all professionals agree that co-parenting will only succeed if some basic agreements are made and kept and significant mistakes are avoided.
One of the tragedies of divorce for children is the feeling of helplessness. Many adults who experienced their parents’ divorce report that, as children, they felt powerless and vulnerable. For the children, it seems as though everything is out of control. Changing routines, people moving out, and things and belongings disappearing are just a few of the changes these children experience. There is no preparation for many children. So often the adults in a child’s life don’t talk about or explain what is taking place. The children are left to their own imaginations.
From MU Extension at the University of Missouri-Columbia, the purpose of “Helping Children Understand Divorce” is to provide parents and other adults with guidance on how to help children understand their parents’ divorce. It includes information on how to tell children about divorce and how to talk with children about divorce. From the child’s perspective, this resource includes a list of six things that kids need from mom and dad in the face of a divorce. It also includes suggestion on specific books you can use to help kids understand divorce along with a brief description of each book.
We all know divorce can be devastating on many levels. But sometimes we forget its emotional toll. In addition to the physical and financial stress on both partners, divorce can also wreak havoc on one’s self-esteem. Even those who initiate the divorce process can experience tremendous emotional turmoil resulting in guilt, anxiety and insecurity. Those who were not expecting or in any way desiring the break-up can come away feeling psychologically battered, confused and questioning their own worth.
One kindergartner says to a second kindergartner,
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From KidsHealth.org, “An Explanation of Divorce for Kids” is a guide to divorce written specifically for kids.
On the issue of why divorce threatens a child’s sense of being, Andrew Root writes in his book, The Children of Divorce: The Loss of Family as a Loss of Being:
In “On the Importance of Parents Getting Along After A Divorce” from the Huffington Post, Shanon Bradley-Colleary shares an important first hand account on the importance of her parents getting along after their divorce. So many times, children of divorce are left reeling and wondering why they even exist in the face of their parents divorce. Ms. Bradley-Colleary’s experience was what you might call a success story:
