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Understanding Emotions

Using Stuffed Animals as Conversation Starters

Stuffed Animals

If you’ve ever been a parent, worked with kids, or even been around kids, you understand the importance of stuffed animals in a child’s life. I remember when my daughter was 5, she had to have her tonsils out. Her mother and I got her a purple baby doll to “keep her company” as she went into surgery. From that point on, that six-inch tall purple doll became a source of comfort to her as she faced difficult things in life. There is no doubt that stuffed animals can bring comfort to a child, but did you know that they can also provide valuable insights into what is going on in a child’s life?

Fred Roger’s once said:

Play is often talked about as if it were a relief from serious learning. But for children play is serious learning. Play is really the work of childhood.

Children talk through their play, and if you’re working with hurting young people, you need to be tuned into their play in order to understand what they are going through. Stuffed animals offer you an opportunity to get kids talking who might otherwise keep things bottled up inside.

Continue reading

August 1, 2017by Wayne Stocks
Understanding Emotions

Feelings Pong

Feelings PongFeelings pong is a fun game to play and easy to set up – all you need is a table some cups and ping-pong ball. It is another great activity to use with the Super Simple Feelings Management Technique to help kids and teens to better understand and deal with the emotions they face.

Here’s what you need:

  1. Plastic cups (9, 13, 18 or 24 cups work best for a pyramid). We used multi-colored cups so each color represented a group of emotions but that isn’t necessary for the game.
  2. Ping-Pong balls.
  3. Permanent Marker.

Here’s how it works. Continue reading

July 20, 2017by Wayne Stocks
Understanding Emotions

The Feelings Parking Lot

feelings parking lotThe Feelings Parking Lot is a great tool to use with kids to both identify the feelings they are experiencing and to discuss different coping mechanisms that can help with those emotions. On top of that, it’s always fun to play with Matchbox Cars.

Here’s how to build it:

  1. On a large piece of paper, poster board or foam board, draw a series of lines on either side to create “parking spaces.” Leave some space between the space for a driving area. Have fun decorating your parking area.
  2. On one side of the parking lot, write the name of one emotion in each parking space. We also includes a simple emoji for each emotion to help younger kids who may not be able to read the emotion names (a list of the emotion names we used is included below, but you can use whatever emotions you want to include).
  3. On the other side, write various coping mechanisms kids can use to deal with difficult emotions (again, the list of coping tools we used are listed below). Depending on how artistic you are, feel free to draw pictures representing the coping skill to help younger kids.

You can use the feelings parking lot one-on-one with an individual child, leave it out as an emotional “check in” for a group of kids at the beginning of a class or group with an adult to talk through the process, or just leave it out for the kids to explore and play with themselves.

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July 4, 2017by Wayne Stocks
Understanding Emotions

My Book About Feelings for Kids

My Book About FeelingsThis miniature book about feelings for kids is called “My Book About Feelings” and comes to us from Scholastic.com.  That’s right, the people known for school book fairs and those book order forms that your kids bring home all the time also offers a series of mini printable books for kids.

This particular book gives young children (officially aged 3-5, but potentially slightly older kids too) an opportunity to write about their feelings.  At only 8 half-pages long, this rhyming book asks kids to write out what makes them happy, sad, scared, mad and glad. In addition, it asks children to record the best feeling they’ve ever had and one additional emotion of their choice.

This resource can be potentially very valuable for younger children experiencing intense emotions.  While it lacks a certain depth, any exercise which helps kids to identify their own emotions can have a healing (and often long-lasting) effect, and we would recommend this resource for younger children.

For a more extensive treatment of emotions and helping kids to recognize and deal with them, as well as a resource for older children, please see the resources we developed titled My Feelings Workbook and Draw Your Emotions.

Continue reading

June 30, 2017by Wayne Stocks
Understanding Emotions

Teaching Kids Using Emotions Jenga

Emotions JengaEmotions Jenga is a fun game you can play with kids to teach them about emotions. When children have a better emotional vocabulary, they are better equipped to deal with difficult emotions when life throws things at them.

Here’s how Emotions Jenga works:

  • Find a colored Jenga game. We found this one from Lewo on Amazon. If you can’t find a colored version, or just want to use the traditional version, you can use colored dots or write the names of the emotions directly on the blocks.
  • For each color make a stack of notes cards with a variety of emotion names on them. You can see the ones we used below. We found colored note cards at Hobby Lobby (on sale), but you could use white cards and just mark a color on them.
  • The child can pick any block to remove from the Jenga game. They then pick a card from the pile associated with that color. For whatever emotion they get, have them do one of the following. You can choose one activity, let the kids pick which one they one to do, or even use a die to determine which activity the child has to do:
    • Act out the emotion on the card.
    • Show what their face looks like when they feel that emotion.
    • Share a time they felt that emotion
    • Share a coping technique/something they like to do when they feel that emotion.
    • Show what the emotion looks like in clay.
    • Describe what their body feels like when they feel the emotion.

    Continue reading

May 25, 2017by Wayne Stocks
Grief

The Grief Mask

Grief Mask

The Grief Mask is a great way to get kids talking about grief and how we sometimes show the world a different face than what we are feeling on the inside. Kids often hide their grief for any number of reasons including:

  • Fear of adding to the pain of an adult in their life.
  • Not wanting to seem like “a child” who can’t handle it.
  • Not wanting to deal with all the “sympathy.”
  • Wanting to “feel normal” again.

Unfortunately, burying their grief for outward appearances only leads to more significant suffering when they face their grief in private. The grief mask can be an awesome tool for talking to kids about the need to express their feelings and the dangers of keeping it all inside.

Here’s how it works: Continue reading

May 11, 2017by Wayne Stocks
Divorce and Family Disruption

Five Mistakes to Avoid When Telling Kids About Divorce

Telling Kids About Divorce

Preparing to break the divorce news to your kids? Wondering how to broach the subject and how much to share? How your children will react and how to handle their questions?

Well you’re not alone. Talking about divorce to your children is tough. You don’t want to make errors you will regret.

There are many common mistakes parents make at this time. Here are five of the most important you should avoid:

  • Blaming or speaking disrespectfully about your children’s other parent. It creates pain, guilt and confusion for your kids. They wonder, “If there’s something wrong with Dad/Mom, there must be something wrong with me for loving them.” This can damage your parental relationship.
  • Continue reading
April 7, 2017by Rosalind Sedacca
Divorce and Family Disruption

5 Things to Say to a Child Whose Parents Are Getting a Divorce

Divorce

The question we get asked more than any when it comes to kids whose parents are going through a divorce goes something like this:

What do I say to a child in my church who tells me on Sunday that his/her parents are getting a divorce?

Obviously, each situation is different and how you will reply to this situation will depend on the age of the child, your knowledge of the situation and your relationship with the child. However, there are some standard things that are acceptable o say to any child who announces to you that their parents are getting a divorce.

Make no mistakes, that first moment where a child reaches out and tells you that his/her parents are getting a divorce is critical. How you respond may well set the tone for whether or not that child will allow you to walk with them and be a source of strength and wisdom as they go through the divorce and post-divorce process. It is important that you be prepared, and knowing at least the five things covered in this article will be a good first step. So, what should you say to the child who announces that his parents are getting a divorce?

#1: That stinks! I am so sorry that you have to go through this.

Divorce hurts, and it is particularly hurtful to the children involved. Let the child know that you understand that their situation is not one they wish to be in. Don’t try to “happy up” the child or pretend that nothing has changed or that “everything will be ok.” Simply let them know that you know that they are going through something tough.

Continue reading

March 6, 2017by Wayne Stocks
Grief

The Grief Self-Exploration House

Grief Self-Exploration House

The Grief Self-Exploration House is a great means for helping kids to understand their grief and what’s really important. Remember, when you’re helping a child to grieve, your role is to walk alongside them and help to facilitate the process of them working through their own grief, not to do their work for them. We originally found this awesome idea at The Grief Center. Here is how it works:

  1. On a sheet of paper, have the child draw a picture of a house with the following specifications. Make sure they leave plenty of room in each section and object for writing or drawing. (You might want to use a large piece of paper.):
    • The house should have three stories and a roof.
    • The house should have a door on the first floor.
    • The roof of the house should include both a chimney and a flag.
  2. If you’d rather not draw the picture, we’ve created a pdf file with a template (with and without instructions) at this link.
  3. Have the child fill out each section of the house with words or drawings (depending on their age) as indicated below.
  4. If the child wants to talk about what they’re writing or drawing, engage in those conversations but try not to force them to talk about anything they don’t want to.

Continue reading

February 21, 2017by Wayne Stocks
Understanding Emotions

Soccer Ball Questions

Soccer Ball Questions

Sometimes it’s hard to get kids to open up about their feelings. Soccer Ball Questions if a great conversation starter and a way to get kids talking. Here’s what you’ll need:

  • A soccer ball. You can find cheaper ones at places like Five Below. I would suggest a white and black one and one that isn’t overly decorated as it will leave more space for your questions. A volley ball works fine too and allows you to include some longer questions but has fewer spots for different questions.
  • Permanent markers that will show up on your soccer ball. We used a regular black magic marker and a Sharpie white paint marker for the black spaces.
  • Write a question on each spot on the ball. The questions we used are listed below, but feel free to pick your favorites and add your own. Based on experience, I suggest writing questions on about a quarter of the ball at a time and letting the marker dry completely before doing the next section (this helps to avoid smudging and gives you a way to hold the ball while you’re working).

Once your ball is done, the exercise itself is pretty simple. Pass the ball around the room or the table. As a child catches the ball, have them answer the question in the section under their right thumb. You’ll be surprised how well this activity brings even shy kids out of their shell.

Here are the questions we put on this ball (you could do a separate ball with questions for an individual emotion like anger, sadness or grief). You will notice that we used a mixture of emotion-specific questions and questions designed to get kids talking about things that might spark conversations about emotions:

  • What is the hardest thing about being a kid?
  • What emotion is strongest in your life?
  • What would you do if you were never afraid?
  • When do you get angry?
  • How did you overcome your biggest challenge?
  • What color describes your mood?
  • What would you do if you had a “magic wand?”
  • What makes you cry?
  • What stresses you out?
  • What is your favorite memory?
  • Give 3 words to describe how you feel right now.
  • Share something you fear.
  • Describe a happy family.
  • What is the greatest thing about being you?
  • What is the best advice you ever received?
  • Do you ever feel lonely? When?
  • What do you look like when you get angry?
  • Tell about a time when you hurt someone’s feelings.
  • What is your biggest worry?
  • If you could change anything in the world, what would it be?
  • If you could have any superpower, what would you pick?
  • Share one of the happiest days of your life.
  • Talk about a time when you were very irritated.
  • How do you feel when someone laughs at you?
  • When do you feel sad?
  • What is the best advice you ever received?

Continue reading

February 17, 2017by Wayne Stocks
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