Hope 4 Hurting Kids has an unofficial verse which guides most of our efforts in ministering to children of divorce, children from single parent families and those who minister to these kids. Before Hope 4 Hurting Kids ever formally existed, I had this verse printed on the back of business cards meant to make people familiar with the site. The verse is Psalm 34:18 which says,
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. [Psalm 34:18 ESV]
“Spare the Child” is a great 18 minute long video produced by The Virginia State Bar Family Law Section to help parents understand how they can help to minimize the impacts of divorce on their children. It is a great video for parents, but it is also very useful for those who work with children of divorce as it provides a good understanding of what kids go through in the process of divorce. The video is based on interviews with judges, lawyers, mediators and adult children of divorce. You can find more information about the DVD at http://www.vsb.org/site/news/item/spare-the-child-new-dvd.
The video can be found at http://vimeo.com/16997474, and I have transcribed the video below for those who prefer to read the information rather than watch the video. A Spanish version of the video can be found at http://vimeo.com/17000006.
In addition to the video, the VSB has published a pamphlet to go along with the video which can be found at http://www.vsb.org/publications/brochure/spare.pdf.
In this article, we present a hypothetical speech to a pastor or congregation about why your church should minister to children of divorce. In this speech, we are pitching the Divorce Care 4 Kids [DC4K] ministry.
At Hope 4 Hurting Kids, one of our basic beliefs is that the church should be a place of support and healing for children of divorce, but what would you say to the members of your church in an effort to get them behind a new ministry, and possibly even volunteer for a ministry, aimed at helping children of divorce to heal. The program envisioned in this speech is is Divorce Care 4 Kids (DC4K), but I believe the principles presented below can apply to any church pondering any sort of divorce support group for kids.
I have localized some of the statistics and information presented below for my church in central Ohio, but I have tried to include references to the appropriate sources so that you can customize the information if necessary for your church and geographic area. I have also included extensive footnotes regarding the statistics presented in this report as I find there is a significant amount of misinformation when it comes to this issue. Here is the text of the speech that came to my mind.
“Advice for Stepparents on Dealing With Stepkids” from HuffPost asked several “experts” in the field for their advice on how stepparents can “create a healthy, unhurried relationship with their stepkids.”
Divorce is hard on kids, and it takes time for children to adjust to the divorce of their parents. The fact is, they may never fully adjust. However, equally stressful to children of divorce can be when their parents begin to date and especially if they remarry. Many stepparents have faced the battle of trying to relate to, and form a relationship with, their stepkids.
The article explains:
It’s a rare stepparent who hasn’t tried, in their own way, to win over their stepkids. Whether it was snapping up two Justin Bieber concert tickets or attempting to bond over hot wings during a stepsons-only guy’s night out, it’s hard to resist trying to fast-track a solid relationship.
The movie Inside Out has been great for those of us working to help kids better understand and deal with their emotions. In addition to being a great movie, it has sparked a litany of crafts and games to go along with it. These crafts and activities can help kids to better understand the emotions they are feeling. The Inside Out Mood Board is one of those activities and is a fun way for kids who like the movie to track their emotions.
We originally found this idea on the Eighteen 25 website. We love their mood board, but we made some minor modifications to the one we built. These changes were mainly due to the materials we had on hand and because we like the idea of using a white board. Here’s what we used:
Who doesn’t love a ball pit? With the Feelings Ball Pit you can bring all the fun of a ball pit to older kids and teach them about their feelings at the same time. Depending on how you play, you can help kids to explore all five components of the The Super Simple Feelings Management Technique.
The Hopes and Fears Tree is colorful craft to help kids understand that no matter what they’re worried about, they can still achieve their hopes and dreams.
Active coping skills are an important part of Please Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff Coping Tool Box. The Over and Under Obstacle Course is a fun way to help kids deal with difficult emotions and can be a powerful visual reminder that life events can be like an obstacle course. There will be ups and downs, but the most important thing is to keep going.
Whether you like writing or drawing or none of the above, a Feelings Journal is an extremely useful tool in learning how to cope with emotions. It is one of the most important thinking coping skills in the Please Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff Coping Tool Box and can also serve as a diversion tool or even a spiritual tool. Your journal is a space to record what’s going on in your life, and even more importantly the emotions that you are feeling. It can be as simple as a binder full of lined paper, a journal purchased from the store, or one you make on your own. The rest of this post describes how we made the journal shown in the pictures here.
Shark Bite was one of the hottest games around this past Christmas. It was flying off the shelves and hard to get your hands on. It also seemed like the perfect game to help kids learn more about emotions. Before you can play though, you’ll have to drop a few buck on your own copy of the game. You can get it through Amazon here.
Shark Bite is a simple game to set up and to play. You put the fish in the mouth of the shark, then roll the dice and fish out the number of fish shown on the dice. The person who pulls the fish that causes the shark to bite loses, but really everyone wins in the fun game.