Link to “Why Promiscuity is a Form of Self-Mutilation for Fatherless Daughters:” http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/16/daddyless-daughters-promiscuity-self-mutilation_n_3600946.html?ref=politics&ir=Divorce

Fatherlessness is an epidemic in our world today. Too frequently, daughters who never knew their father or lose their fathers to divorce turn to a string of men to try to fill that void in their lives.  In this article, they discuss how this promiscuity is actually a form of self-mutilation.  Make sure to watch the video that goes along with the article.

STOP! If you are considering a divorce, do everything within your power to find another way. Divorce hurts. It will hurt your children whether or not they are willing to tell you. Divorce fundamentally changes the world they have come to know. That said, we recognize that some people will still elect to get a divorce, or may find themselves in a position where they have no choice. In those situations, we hope that you will make every effort to lessen the impact divorce will have on your kids. Those efforts should start from the very beginning, and in this case the beginning is when you choose to tell the kids about the divorce.

The following lists provide guidance on the steps you can take to tell your children about your divorce in the best possible way. Though these steps will not eliminate all pain and hurt your children might feel, we hope that they will help to mitigate the impacts of divorce. Not all of these steps will be easy for you, but we encourage you to make every effort to take as many of these steps as you possible can.  Whatever you do, be honest with your kids, do not tell your children the things listed below if you do not actually intend to do it.

Planning Ahead

• Don’t tell your children until you are absolutely sure you are getting a divorce.
• Tell the kids together with your spouse.
• Determine with your spouse ahead of time what you will say to your children and who will say it.
• Tell all of your children together at the same time.
• Pick an appropriate time for the conversation. Do not pick a time where someone need to head off to a soccer game or business meeting.
• Leave plenty of time for the conversation. Allotting an entire day and evening for this conversation would be best.
• Pick a private place to tell your children the news. Do not have the conversation with family friends or relatives present.
• Pick a place that is familiar and comfortable for your children. Do not have the conversation in a public place.
• Anticipate questions your children might ask ahead of time and be prepared to answer them.

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In this insightful article, Lee Block answers the question, “Is Divorce With Kids Selfish?” She explains:

Divorce is selfish by necessity when you think about it. No matter what, someone gets hurt. If it isn’t you, then it is your kids and if it isn’t your kids, then it is your ex, but in the end, someone has to pay the price. The question is, who can adjust the best?

If you work with children of divorce, it is important that you understand the perspective of the parents as well.  Reading this article will give you a glimpse into the head of one divorced mom.  Reading through the comments will reveal a wide variety of excuse making and pent up anger.  Either way, it will be very educational.

Click here to view the article.

From MU Extension at the University of Missouri-Columbia, “Helping Infants and Toddlers Adjust to Divorce” specifically addresses how divorce impacts infants and toddlers.  Too many people believe that divorce does not impact these kids because they are young.  This couldn’t be further from the truth.

The article explains:

During their first three years of life, children grow quickly, become mobile, learn language, begin to understand how the world works and form social relationships. Environmental changes such as parental divorce can affect a child’s development, but parents have the power to help their children adjust to family changes.

Beginning with younger infants (birth to 8 months), this article explains that, “Infants do not understand divorce  However, infants pick up on changes in their parents’ feelings and behaviors.”

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The Emotions Chart is designed to help young people to recognize and name their emotions which is an important step in the healing process. These charts can play a key role in helping kids with the See It! Say It! and Feel It! components of the The Super Simple Feelings Management Technique. You can download the chart by clicking here or on the image above.

What Are These Emotion Charts?

These charts are based on the characters and emotions included in our Hope 4 Hurting Kids Emotion Cards and the forthcoming book 150 Emotions Every Child Should Know, By Age. Each page includes 30 different emotions, and are designed to introduce new emotions as the child grows older.

• Chart #1 (pictured above) includes 30 basic emotions every child should know by age 8.
• Chart #2 adds an additional 30 emotions children should know by age 10.
• Chart #3 adds an additional 30 emotions children should know by age 12.
• Chart #4 adds an additional 30 emotions teens should know by age 14.
• Chart #5 adds an additional 30 emotions teens should know by age 18.

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Anyone who knows me would not call me a musically inclined person. I am the epitome of the idiom, “He can’t carry a tune in a bucket.” That said, I do like music. There are periods in my life which are marked by a particular song or set of songs, and when I hear those songs I am transported back to that time in my life. Following my adoption into God’s family, I have found that He works through music to readjust my attitude, encourage me or challenge me. The perfect song at the perfect time and place – I do not believe that to be coincidence. Once of my favorite singer/songwriters is Matthew West.

So, as God was really beginning to lay children of divorce on my heart, it was only fitting that Matthew West released his fourth studio album called “The Story of Your Life” in October 2010. For this album, Matthew West collected stories from thousands of fans and wrote songs reflecting those stories. One of the songs really captured heart. As I have travelled down this road of ministering to children of divorce, I have come back consistently to this song. The song is titled “Two Houses” and gives a child’s point of view on his parents’ divorce and ultimately in the healing that comes through a relationship with Christ. I would encourage anyone who is divorced, knows children whose parents are divorced or works kids to watch the video of this song

You can also watch the story behind the making of the video

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In children’s ministry we believe, at least we should believe, that parents are important to the spiritual upbringing and nurture of their children. This is, after all, the basis of the entire “orange” theory of children’s ministry – that the church and parents working together can have a greater influence on a child’s life than either one working independently. We strive to find ways to encourage and engage parents. We talk about leveraging our time with the children at church by equipping parents to continue the conversation at home. We minister to families and parents, all in an effort to help parents lead their kids at home. This, of course, is a scripturally sound idea. We need look no further than Deuteronomy 6 for God’s plan for passing on spiritual truth:

Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. [Deuteronomy 6:4-9 ESV]

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Link

Click here to play Changeville.

Background

Changeville is an internet based game released in 2008 by the Justice Education Society of British Columbia, Canada.  Changeville is an interactive, virtual world designed “to give children tools and information that will help diminish the fears and anxiety they may feel.”  Some of the information contained within the game is targeted directly to residents of Canada (like contact information if kids need to talk to someone), but most of it applies to children from any country.

How it Works

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Our very own Linda Ranson Jacobs has written a new series on how divorce affects children of all ages. Linda is now writing for the new blog from Divorce Care 4 Kids (DC4K).  The good news for you is that you can now learn from Linda’s wisdom and insights more often than just on Friday here on Divorce Ministry 4 Kids, and we would encourage you to bookmark her blog.

One of Linda’s first series on the new blog highlights how divorce affects kids at every age and stage of development.  This is a great resource for you and for members of your church and children’s ministry in terms of ministering to children from divorced or separated homes.

Here are the installments in that initial series:

• How Divorce Affects Children
• How Divorce Affects Infants and Toddlers
• How Divorce Affects Preschool Age Children
• Effects of Divorce on the 6, 7 and 8 year-old Child
• Tweens and the Effects of Divorce on Their Lives
• Effects of Divorce on Teens and the How Mobile Devices Can Complicate Healing

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At the crux of Hope 4 Hurting Kids is to explain why divorce should matter to churches and to call churches to serve to minister to children suffering from the effects of the divorce of their parents and/or living in single parent families. At times, that means encouraging churches to start programs like Divorce Care 4 Kids or The Big “D” which are “support group” type programs targeted at children of divorce to help them deal with the impacts of the divorce and point them towards God as the ultimate source of healing. However, just starting a new program isn’t enough. Truly ministering to these children and students requires that those in our churches who work week in and week out with our kids must also be prepared and equipped to deal with the fallout from divorce.

As people who minister to children and students, we cannot afford to turn a blind eye to children of divorce and children from single parent families. Recent government studies show that only 60.3% of children live with their married biological or adoptive parents. That means that 40% of all children either live with cohabiting biological parents (3%), in single parent homes (27%), step families (6%), or without either biological parent (4%). There is some variation by race, but lest you think this issue does not affect your community or church, here is the breakdown by race of children living with other than their married biological parents:

All of that means that, on average, 2 of every 5 kids who come through your church doors every Sunday morning have either experienced the divorce of their parents or grown up in single-parent homes.

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