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Hope 4 Hurting Kids - Moving from hurt and trauma to Hope and Healing.
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Divorce and Family Disruption

How Should I Tell The Kids We’re Getting a Divorce?

Tell The KidsSTOP! If you are considering a divorce, do everything within your power to find another way. Divorce hurts. It will hurt your children whether or not they are willing to tell you. Divorce fundamentally changes the world they have come to know. That said, we recognize that some people will still elect to get a divorce, or may find themselves in a position where they have no choice. In those situations, we hope that you will make every effort to lessen the impact divorce will have on your kids. Those efforts should start from the very beginning, and in this case the beginning is when you choose to tell the kids about the divorce.

The following lists provide guidance on the steps you can take to tell your children about your divorce in the best possible way. Though these steps will not eliminate all pain and hurt your children might feel, we hope that they will help to mitigate the impacts of divorce. Not all of these steps will be easy for you, but we encourage you to make every effort to take as many of these steps as you possible can.  Whatever you do, be honest with your kids, do not tell your children the things listed below if you do not actually intend to do it.

Planning Ahead

  • Don’t tell your children until you are absolutely sure you are getting a divorce.
  • Tell the kids together with your spouse.
  • Determine with your spouse ahead of time what you will say to your children and who will say it.
  • Tell all of your children together at the same time.
  • Pick an appropriate time for the conversation. Do not pick a time where someone need to head off to a soccer game or business meeting.
  • Leave plenty of time for the conversation. Allotting an entire day and evening for this conversation would be best.
  • Pick a private place to tell your children the news. Do not have the conversation with family friends or relatives present.
  • Pick a place that is familiar and comfortable for your children. Do not have the conversation in a public place.
  • Anticipate questions your children might ask ahead of time and be prepared to answer them.

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June 27, 2018by Wayne Stocks
Divorce and Family Disruption

More Mistakes We’ve Made With Children of Divorce

More Mistakes We've MadeLast week we looked at the mistakes we have made when working with children from divorced homes that have out of control behaviors. This week we continue exploring mistakes of the past.

Mistake #3 – Everything Was Based On How the Adult Felt

If the teacher felt happy then all was good. Oh my goodness, do you remember the happy face/sad face signs? I am so embarrassed to share this but, since I want you to explore your mistakes, I’ll share some of my worst ones. I very clearly remember one incident.

We had paper plate hanging on a chair. We had this 4 year old kid who was so out of control. The chair was set over against the wall by the bathroom. I told this little four year old,

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June 27, 2018by Linda Ranson Jacobs
H4HK Help Centers

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