Welcome to Fidgets 101. In this series, we will review a variety of fidget toys over the coming months. Before we do that though, an introduction to Fidgets 101 is in order. Unless you’ve lived under a rock for the last couple of years, chances are that you’ve played with, seen or heard about Fidget Spinner. They burst onto the scene in the Summer of 2017, seemingly out of nowhere, and became the focus (pun intended) of young people everywhere. Fidgets, though, have been around forever. From the Chinese baoding balls (sometimes called Chinese Stress Balls) created in the 14th century to greek worry beads known as kompoloi which were used by monks 800 years ago to todays fidgets spinners and cubes, there have always been outlets for human’s insatiable need to fidget.

What is A Fidget?

A fidget is any sort of object that people fiddle with to help them to maintain their focus on something else. As described in more detail in the video below, a fidget is a kind of coping mechanism.

The science is still out on why fidgets work. One theory is that fidgets occupy our “floating attention.” We all have what is called “floating attention” which is that little bit of attention that is placed away from our principal activity no matter what we are doing. For some people, their floating attention isn’t well regulated and gets spread across tons of activities. Using a fidget gives that “floating attention” something to focus on which allows you to focus better on the primary items of focus.

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Active coping skills are an important part of Please Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff Coping Tool Box. The Over and Under Obstacle Course is a fun way to help kids deal with difficult emotions and can be a powerful visual reminder that life events can be like an obstacle course. There will be ups and downs, but the most important thing is to keep going.

Setting Up Your Obstacle Course

• Use you imagination. Your obstacle course can be inside or outside.
• If you’re building inside, use furniture, cushions, blankets, doors and anything else you can think of to use.
• These obstacle course also work in an education setting. Use desks, books, doors and other items in the room.
• If you’re working outside, use playground equipment, toys, sporting equipment, leaves, creeks, etc. to build your course.
• Try to make your course doable but make sure it requires some effort on the child’s part.

Using Your Obstacle Course to Reinforce Emotional Resilience

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The first step in helping kids (or anyone for that matter) to deal with and process the difficult emotions in their lives is to help them understand and name emotions. At Hope 4 Hurting Kids, we use the Super Simple Feelings Management Technique for that. Once we have helped kids to understand their emotions, we need to provide them with means for dealing with those emotions.

The second step towards emotional maturity and healing is to develop a robust set of coping skills. Coping Skills are designed to help “take the edge” of emotions and assist us in dealing with them. Unfortunately, that moment when a young person is drowning in emotions is not the right time to start thinking about coping mechanisms. Instead, it is important that kids and teens have at their disposal a tool box full of coping mechanisms that work for them that they can draw from in a time of crisis.

At Hope 4 Hurting Kids, we’ve developed another mnemonic to help keep track of the many different types of coping mechanism. This time we borrowed from the title of a popular book series by Richard Carlson. The different types of coping skills can be readily recalled by remembering the phrase:

Please Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff

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A Scream Box is a fun and effective way to vent some of those intense emotions that build up inside like anger, fear and stress. While breathing, physical activity and talking about it are great ways to help deal difficult emotions, sometimes you just need to scream! Handled correctly, this can be a therapeutic way to vent some of that frustration. Screaming however is not always socially acceptable or appropriate. That’s where the Scream Box comes in handy.

The pictures in this article are of a scream box my 13 year-old daughter made.

You can decorate your box however you want, but here are the basic steps:

1. Gather up the following ingredients:
– Cereal box (preferably an empty one).
– Cardboard tube from inside a roll of paper towels.
– Old newspaper or packing paper (regular paper or tissue paper can also work)
– Tape (duct tape works best, but packing tape will also suffice)
– Construction paper or wrapping paper to cover the cereal box
– Items to decorate your box (markers, pencils, stickers, glitter or whatever you want to use)

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You might think that the anger and target practice probably shouldn’t go together. However, when it comes to kids taking some target practice can be an effective way of both venting anger and discussing a child’s anger with them so they can explain it better. Here is how this great idea, which we found originally on Little Birdie Secrets, works:

1. Draw a series of concentric circles on a large sheet of paper or white board to create a target. You can have the child make their own target if you have some time and let them decorate it however they want.
2. Have them write or draw things on the target that make them angry. As they do, talk to them about each item and how they’ve dealt with that anger in the past.
3. Have the child throw something at the target. Anything soft will do – you don’t want to break anything, but the physical activity of throwing something also helps to alleviate anger. Foam balls are a great option. I use the puffer balls shown below. I got a dozen of them on Amazon for around $10 and use them for a variety of activities.

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It’s important to teach kids ways that they can calm down when they are angry or anxious or stressed out. In the heat of overwhelming emotions though, it’s easy for kids to forget the methods you have taught them. That’s why if you work with kids, it useful to have a jar full of cool down cubes, and it’s simple too!

1. Just buy some plastic ice cubes. I got mine from Five Below after the Fourth of July.
2. Write various calm down techniques on the cubes (one per cube). Permanent marker works best. We’ve included a list of the techniques we put on the cubes below.
3. Put the cubes in a jar. We used an old peanut jar, but anything large enough that a child can reach their hand in will work. Decorate the jar however you want.
4. Whenever the child you are working with upset, encourage them to go to the Calm Down Jar, pick one cube out and use the technique on the cube to calm down. If that doesn’t work encourage them to pick another cube.
5. Feel free to engage in the activity with the child, and when they have calmed down use the opportunity to talk about what’s bothering them.

Here are some of the calm down techniques we put on our cubes (feel free to make up your own):

• Go for walk
• Eat
• Move
• Do a puzzle
• Draw
• Throw ball
• Shower
• Blow off steam
• Ride a bike
• Close eyes
• Laugh
• Write it down
• Paint
• Karate
• Talk it out
• Count to ten
• Use computer
• Call a friend
• Play with sand
• Ask for help
• Jump rope
• Tell someone
• Walk away
• Play a sport
• iPod
• Journal
• Go outside
• 3 deep breaths
• Stop and think
• Sing
• Tell a joke
• Color
• Hug a pet
• Blow bubbles
• One happy memory
• Positive self talk
• Stress ball
• Read a book
• Seek out help
• Mold clay
• Jump
• Play memory
• Count clouds
• Play with legos
• Drink water
• Take a timeout
• Dance
• Talk to a friend

We originally found this idea in a number of places including: Continue reading

The word “peanuts” has become something of a “dirty word” for people who work with kids. In this article, we’re going to talk about how a simple peanut based exercise can help kids to calm down. Whether they’re anxious, stressed out or angry, the Peanut Brittle to Peanut Butter relaxation technique is a fun way for kids to remember how to calm down.

Here’s how it works:

1. Have the child inhale and stiffen their body like PEANUT BRITTLE. Encourage them to squeeze their muscles, clench their fists, curl their toes, push their chest out and contract the muscles in their face.
2. Have them hold their breath and that position for five seconds.
3. Now, tell them to exhale their breath and let everything go soft like PEANUT BUTTER.
4. Repeat as neccessary.

Like deep breathing, the process of going from tense to relaxed helps kids to let go of the intense emotions they are feeling.

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Anxiety is a very real problem for many kids and teens, and there is no “quick fix.” However, there are techniques you can use to help a child struggling with anxiety and some of them are quite simple.

This paper airplane technique requires only one piece of paper (almost any type will do), some sort of writing utensil and time to talk to the child dealing with anxiety.

Here’s how it works.

1. Sit down with the anxious child and talk about the things that are causing them anxiety. You can guide the conversation, but make sure to allow the child to lead the conversation and discuss their own anxieties.
2. As you discuss each item which causes anxiety, have the child write it (or draw it) on the piece of paper.
3. Take the opportunity to talk about different breathing techniques and other things the child can do to help when they feel themselves getting anxious.
4. When you are done listing things on the paper, make a paper airplane. If you’re not a paper airplane aficionado, you can find instructions here.
5. Have the child throw the paper airplane across the room or, ideally, into a trash can.

Although a very simple exercise, the Anxiety Paper Airplane has numerous benefits. They include: Continue reading