Divorce and Family Disruption

H4HK FAQs: What Can I Do To Get My Parents Back Together?

Get My Parents Back Together[su_faqs_intro]

It is very common for children whose parents have divorced to hope that their parents might get back together.  Most children of divorce experience this at some point following their parents’ separation.  This desire might last for a long time, and you may get angrier and angrier when it doesn’t happen.  Some kids even try to make deals with their parents or with God.  They might say,

God, if you let my parents get back together, I promise to keep my room clean and never to fight with my sister again.

Or, they might think to themselves,

If I just chip in more and do my chores, then my parents will see the improvement and want to live together again.

Have you ever had a thought like that or made a wish or a prayer like that?

Some kids even start to come up with plans for how they can make their parents get back together.  Maybe you’ve had some of these thoughts:

If I pretend to be sick, then both of my parents will worry about me and want to spend time with me.  While they’re taking care of me they will remember how much they love one another and want to get back together.

It is natural for you to wish for the time back when your family was whole.  It’s hard to lose anything.  It is really hard to lose the family structure that we have come to know and rely on.  However, the fact of the matter is that most divorced people do not get back together again.  While you might wish for your parents to get remarried so that you can be one big happy family again, it is better for you in the long run to accept the divorce so that you can begin to move forward with your life.

It will not always be easy, and it is important that you have trusted people who you can talk to about the emotions you are feeling and any troubles you might be having adjusting to new circumstances.  Remember that, just because your parents won’t be getting back together, that doesn’t mean that they love you any less or that you have to choose between them.  Things will be different from now on in terms of where you live and who you get to spend time with (that will be tough), but both your Mom and your Dad are still your parents, and that won’t change.

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July 12, 2017by Wayne Stocks
Written by Wayne Stocks
Wayne is the founder and executive director of Hope 4 Hurting Kids. He is a happily married father of four kids with a passion for helping young people who are going through rough times. In addition to Hope 4 Hurting Kids, Wayne previously started I Am A Child of Divorce and Divorce Ministry 4 Kids to help kids who are dealing with the disruption of their parents' relationship. These are now part of Hope 4 Hurting Kids. Wayne speaks frequently at conferences and churches on issues related to helping kids learn to deal with difficult emotions and life in modern families. Wayne lives with his wife, three youngest kids, three dogs and an insane collection of his kids' other pets outside of Columbus, Ohio. In addition to his work with Hope 4 Hurting Kids, Wayne is a partner in a local consulting firm, an avid reader, coaches his son's soccer team and is a proud supporter of Leicester City Football Club (and yes, for those in know, his affinity for the club does predate the 2016 championship). You can reach Wayne at wayne@hope4hurtingkids.com.