Take a moment to think of someone you care about or someone that has impacted your life in a positive way. There are a lot of people that have impacted my life – especially in ministry. When I think of one lady in particular, and how she has blessed me down through the years, I get the “warm fuzzies.”

You know that feeling where you just feel better inside, under your skin and in your heart. You feel all warm inside and right with the world. My friend has been with me through thick and thin; through divorce and death; through the good and bad. She’s in her eighties now and still relevant and intentional in ministry. She lives on the West coast and I live on the East coast, but she is always with me in my heart.

Sometimes the Holy Spirit alerts me when there is a problem. This happens so I will know to pray for her. For instance when her husband, Jim, passed away suddenly I knew instantly something was wrong. I started praying for her not really knowing why or for what. But the Lord knew. In my prayers for her I am always grateful for her friendship.

Brain research shows that when we feel gratitude or thankfulness there are chemical changes in our brains. Thoughts physically alter the brain wiring. Many times children can sense the emotional state that you are in. What might happen if when a child comes into your group you silently looked at the child and thanked God for allowing this child to be in your group? Or you looked at this child with gratitude for what he or she might teach you today about being a kid? Or as Dr. Becky Bailey says, “You wish the child well.”

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Over time many children of divorce have a change of attitude about things. Many will get bitter and some will have attitude problems. After the initial shock of their parents being divorced, having time to process the divorce, adjusting to two homes and when the stress dies down, some children actually find joy in life.

How do they do it? How can they find joy in the midst of trials and even tribulations? In the article, The Grateful Brain we read,

“Gratitude, particularly if practiced regularly, can keep you healthier and happier.”

The article goes onto talk about misconceptions we’ve had about gratitude.

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Empathy is a critical skill for kids to develop and one of the hallmarks of emotional healing as detailed in the Grand Feelings Exit Plan (Signs of Emotional Health). The Empathy Map is a great way to get kids thinking about and understanding empathy for others. It is adapted from a business setting where it is used to understand clients but works great with kids.

Here’s What You Need

• A large sheet of paper or a board.
• Markers.
• Sticky notes.
• Pen/Pencil

Here’s How To Set Up the Empathy Map (as shown above)

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Children and teens live in an ever-changing world that throws more and more at them and prepares them less and less to deal with the direct impacts, the collateral damage and the emotions that follow. At Hope 4 Hurting Kids, our goal is to help these hurting children and teens move from hurt to hope and healing.

Today we announce a three stage plan to help young people understand, deal with and overcome the difficult emotional circumstances of their lives. We’re calling it:

JUMP In! STAND Strong! RISE Up!

We contemplated other names for this strategy like “Recognize, Survive and Thrive” and “Know It, Own It and Grow From It”; but in the end we settled on “Jump In! Stand Strong! Rise Up!” as a visual picture of the three stages of dealing with difficult and unpleasant emotions. Let’s have a closer look at each stage. Continue reading

In the past, we have discussed the importance of helping young people to name and understand their emotions using the Super Simple Feelings Management Technique. We have also discussed the importance of helping them to build a tool box of coping skills by discussing Please Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff.

So, how do we know when these tools are working? That is why at Hope 4 Hurting Kids we’ve developed the

Grand Feelings Exit Plan

The Grand Feelings Exit Plan helps a young person to know the signs that they have truly dealt with and moved past a difficult emotion or circumstance. Like the Super Simple Feelings Management Technique and Please Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff, the Grand Feelings Exit Plan is a mnemonic to help young people, and the adults who care for them, to remember the four signs of emotional healing. Let’s have a look at each sign. Continue reading

I am a Certified Public Accountant by trade. I tell people that accounting is what I do in my spare time. I don’t know that I would call myself your typical CPA, but I am very analytical – very left-brained. I am not a “touchy-feely” type person. In fact, one of the biggest adjustments I had to make when I started dating my wife is that she comes from a hugging family. That took a little getting used to. I am not a very emotional person, though I do feel things deeply. I struggle with “finding the right words” when talking to hurting people. Let’s just say that empathy is not a gifting that I received from God. That is not to say I am incapable of it, I just have to work a little harder than my right-brained friends who seem to fit naturally in those tough situations.

That’s why I was excited to read the article Not “Touchy-Feely?” Here’s How to Comfort Hurts by Dr. Julie Barrier (http://www.crosswalk.com/blogs/dr-julie-barrier/not-touchy-feely-heres-how-to-comfort-hurts.html). In that article, Dr. Barrier explains:

If you are left-brained you may tend to be less empathetic than your right-brained “touchy-feely” compadres …Perhaps it is more difficult for a systematic, consequential thinker to read what is going on in another person’s heart. So…how do you express comfort and empathize with those who are hurting when comforting doesn’t come easily?

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One idea for helping kids deal with fear and anxiety is to create a Worry Bot. The idea is simple and provides a way for kids to both talk about their fears and to track them.

Here’s how it works:

1. Build a Worry Bot (or Worry Warrior or Worry Monster). Use can use any sort of boxes or containers so long as the child can put small pieces of paper in the Worry Bot and retrieve them later. We wrapped the lid on both the body and head of Worry Bot separately so it can be removed to insert and remove the papers.
2. Have the child write (or draw) things they are worried or anxious about on the pieces of paper and put them inside the Worry Bot.
3. As the child is recording their fears, talk to them about each one.
4. Put the worries inside of Worry Bot. As you, talk to the child about ways they can deal with their anxiety.
5. Revisit each fear with the child from time to time. As they express that they have moved past an item or overcome that worry, remove that slip of paper from Worry Bot and have the child throw it away.

This idea was originally inspired by Crayola and their Worry Worrier.  You can find other examples by searching for Worry Monster. Use your imagination and work together to make your own Worry Gobbler.

We opted for a Worry Bot, and here’s how we put him together:

• The boxes for the body and the head (as well as the four “legs”) were craft boxes we bought from Hobby Lobby. We bought them for ease, but you could easily re-purpose some empty shipping boxes or anything else you have around the house.
• We used textured paper (also from Hobby Lobby) to give our Worry Bot more of a three-dimensional look. Originally, we had intended to wrap the boxes like gifts, but in the end used decoupage to attach the paper to the boxes.
• The arms were rectangular piece of paper folded with hands cut out of the black textured paper we used for the hat.
• The lettering was a cheap package of stickers which seemed easier than cutting them out individually.
• Add a face and a couple of wiggly eyes, and your Worry Bot comes to life.

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In ministering to children from disrupted homes, we stress the need to empathize with what the kids are going through – not sympathize! This great video is one of the most succinct explanations of the difference between empathy and sympathy that I have found.

The video makes some great points, and I encourage you to watch the whole thing (it’s only 2:53 long after all).

One of the interesting things in the video was a study of professions where empathy is relevant and identifying four components of empathy:

1. Perspective taking (taking someone else’s
2. Staying out of judgment
3. Recognizing emotion in other people
4. Communicating that

There are some great takeaway quotes from the video too: Continue reading