If you’ve lived with, or been around, any elementary aged children at any point in the last year or so, you are likely familiar with the concept of the bottle flip. The bottle flip is where you take a bottle about a 1/4 full with water and try to flip it and have it land right side up. My own nine-year-old is a self-taught expert and can land a water bottle right side up on an exit sign from across the room.

We’ve taken the concept of the bottle flip and developed a game that helps kids to recognize and talk about emotions. Here’s how Bottle Flip Emotions work:

1. First, print out the pdf template of the game. You can find it by clicking here. It’s designed to be printed on 11 X 17 paper (or similar size). You can print it on smaller paper if you need to, but it will work better on larger sized papers.
2. Feel free to come up with your own method of playing. We play that if you don’t land the flip you have act out the emotion the bottle is pointing to (alternatives include having the child share a time they felt that emotion or a coping skill they can use to deal with the emotion). If the child lands the bottle, they do not have to act out or talk about the emotion.
3. Mix up how you play
   • Make the children stand across the room, or
   • Don’t let the remainder of the group (assuming you’re working with a group of kids) see the results. Have the child act out the emotion and have the other kids guess it.
   • Have two children flip the bottles. The first one to land a bottle wins and the other child has to act out the emotion that the bottle lands on.

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The question we get asked more than any when it comes to kids whose parents are going through a divorce goes something like this:

What do I say to a child in my church who tells me on Sunday that his/her parents are getting a divorce?

Obviously, each situation is different and how you will reply to this situation will depend on the age of the child, your knowledge of the situation and your relationship with the child. However, there are some standard things that are acceptable o say to any child who announces to you that their parents are getting a divorce.

Make no mistakes, that first moment where a child reaches out and tells you that his/her parents are getting a divorce is critical. How you respond may well set the tone for whether or not that child will allow you to walk with them and be a source of strength and wisdom as they go through the divorce and post-divorce process. It is important that you be prepared, and knowing at least the five things covered in this article will be a good first step. So, what should you say to the child who announces that his parents are getting a divorce?

#1: That stinks! I am so sorry that you have to go through this.

Divorce hurts, and it is particularly hurtful to the children involved. Let the child know that you understand that their situation is not one they wish to be in. Don’t try to “happy up” the child or pretend that nothing has changed or that “everything will be ok.” Simply let them know that you know that they are going through something tough.

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At Hope 4 Hurting Kids, we are committed to getting good resources into the hands of those who work with children of divorce. Many times, that means creating resources for those who work with children of divorce, other times that means bringing pre-existing resources to your attention. The book Dinosaurs Divorce – A Guide For Changing Families by Laurene Kransy Brown and Marc Brown is one such resource intended for children whose parents have gone, or are going, through a divorce.

With over one million children each year suffering through the divorce of their parents, it is encouraging to find resources created specifically for kids. Designed for kids Dinosaurs Divorce is brilliantly illustrated to help kids understand what divorce is and the many changes and emotions that come along with divorce, dating, remarriage and step families.

As the book jacket describes,

If dinosaurs got married, no doubt they, like many families today, had to cope with divorce, too. What they needed was Dinosaurs Divorce. This timely, reassuring picture book is the perfect resource to help young children and their families deal with the confusion, misconceptions and anxieties apt to arise when divorce occurs.

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The Feelings Beach Ball is an easy, fun and effective way to help kids identify different emotions and talk about when they have experienced those emotions in their life. They’re simple to make too, you only need a simple Beach Ball (you can usually get one for around $1.00 after the summer is over) and a black permanent marker.

Here’s how it works:

1. Select an emotion for each color on the ball.
2. With a permanent marker, draw a face which represents each emotion.
3. With a group of kids, or between you and the child you are working with if one-on-one, pass the beach ball around.
4. When the child catches the ball, have them identify the emotion on the color under their right hand (or left if you’d prefer). The child can answer whatever emotion is elicited by the face you’ve drawn on the ball. It might not always match what you had envisioned, but if they’re way off base you might want to gently assist in identifying the emotion.
5. For an added twist, have the child share a time in their life they felt that emotion, or might feel that emotion.
6. You can also discuss ways of dealing with any negative emotions.
7. When the child is done, have him/her pass it to another child or back to you and play again.

Here are some pictures of our Feelings Beach Ball from different angles:

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When it comes to the issue of the children of divorce, the Bible is silent. Trust me! I looked. The question then becomes, why? Of course, there any number of things not specifically addressed in the Bible, and the failure to specifically mention a certain subject does not, of course, mean one thing or another. Yet, the question remains, why doesn’t the Bible say anything specific about children of divorce? As those who are committed to ministering to these kids, that question is of the utmost importance.

Here is how I would respond to that question. As I’ve already stated, the lack of specific mention should not be interpreted as any sort of indication that God does not care about these kids. The remainder of scripture would certainly refute that notion. The Bible, for example, never mentions the word Trinity, but that does not make the fact of the Trinity any less true. We can see the trust of the trinity in other verses of scripture without God specifically including the word. Likewise, when we turn to the totality of scripture, we can see God’s heart for suffering and lonely children despite the fact that the phrase “children of divorce” cannot be found in the Bible.

Take, for example, the words of Malachi:

But you say, “Why does he not?” Because the LORD was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth. [Malachi 2:14-15 ESV]

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This article, which was first published in the March/April 2012 issue of K! Magazine addresses the issue of how the church should address children of divorce and children from single-parent families in the context of family ministry.  

Family ministry is all the buzz in the world of children’s ministry these days. It seems as though the whole children’s ministry world is painting the world orange! Deuteronomy 6 has become the “go to” verse in children’s ministry, and for good reason. There is much to be learned there. God clearly calls the family to be the primary vessel for imparting and teaching spiritual truth to our kids.

Like many things, though, it’s easy to take a good thing too far. In the lingo of Orange where red is the family and yellow is the church, there is a temptation to lean too far towards the red side (family) in order to compensate for years of yellow driven ministry. When churches do this, they run the risk of losing an ever growing segment of our population and a dwindling portion of our churches – children from divorced homes and single parent families. When our focus is simply on “helping parents to disciple their kids,” what are we saying to kids whose parents have either abandoned them or are in no emotional or spiritual state to disciple them? In those situations, we leave these kids asking and wondering:

WHAT ABOUT MY FAMILY?

The Biblical Mandate

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More than just a movie, this film is a call to action for men in our society. Every father, every single man and every boy ought to watch this movie! But, this movie isn’t just for dads and prospective dads. Anyone who works with kids should seek out this movie as it is a gripping portrayal of the impact of fatherlessness on the kids we deal with week in and week out. Whether you work with children of divorce, in children’s ministry at your church, at a school or even just spend time with a friend’s kids, this movie will encourage you to be courageous in helping kids and setting a being a good role model for them.

The focus of the movie is on dads and the role they need to play in the lives of their children, but there is an important subcontext throughout the movie and that has to do with filling the gap of fatherlessness for kids whose fathers are not present or involved in their lives. Whether it is children born to single mothers, children whose fathers have deserted them following a divorce or children whose fathers have passed away, we all have a responsibility to step up and be the hands and feet of Jesus to these fatherless kids. Rather than shying away from the responsibility of caring for these kids, the church in general, and men in particular, must stand up and take the responsibility.

The Plot

This movie is really well done with twists and turns that you won’t expect. Accordingly, I want to do this review without giving away too much of the movie and thereby spoiling it for those who have not yet had a chance to see it. So, rather than summarize the entire movie myself, and potentially give away some of the plot, here is a synopsis of the movie from the Courageous website: Continue reading

The Grief Self-Exploration House is a great means for helping kids to understand their grief and what’s really important. Remember, when you’re helping a child to grieve, your role is to walk alongside them and help to facilitate the process of them working through their own grief, not to do their work for them. We originally found this awesome idea at The Grief Center. Here is how it works:

1. On a sheet of paper, have the child draw a picture of a house with the following specifications. Make sure they leave plenty of room in each section and object for writing or drawing. (You might want to use a large piece of paper.):
   • The house should have three stories and a roof.
   • The house should have a door on the first floor.
   • The roof of the house should include both a chimney and a flag.
2. If you’d rather not draw the picture, we’ve created a pdf file with a template (with and without instructions) at this link.
3. Have the child fill out each section of the house with words or drawings (depending on their age) as indicated below.
4. If the child wants to talk about what they’re writing or drawing, engage in those conversations but try not to force them to talk about anything they don’t want to.

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A few years ago, I had the opportunity to teach first through fifth graders at church about the term faith. The jumping off point of our discussion was the story of Jesus and the Centurion’s servant as relayed in Matthew 8:5-13. In that story, Jesus agreed to heal the Centurion’s servant after being amazed by his faith. Matthew tells us:

When Jesus heard this, he was amazed and said to those following him, Truly I tell you, I have not found anyone in Israel with such great faith. [Matthew 8:10]

After discussing the story, the lesson covered five questions to help lay a foundation for faith in Jesus Christ. The five questions included:

1. Who do we put our faith in?
2. What is faith?
3. Why do we need faith?
4. Where does faith come from?
5. What do we do with faith?

The more I studied for this lesson and reviewed scriptures related to each point, the more I began to understand why the divorce of a child’s parents can, and oftentimes does, shatter their faith in God. More than just inconveniencing a child, or making them mad or upset, divorce cuts through them at a very deep theological level leaving them questioning everything they have ever believed in and/or preventing them from trusting in Jesus Christ in the future. Continue reading

Sometimes it’s hard to get kids to open up about their feelings. Soccer Ball Questions if a great conversation starter and a way to get kids talking. Here’s what you’ll need:

• A soccer ball. You can find cheaper ones at places like Five Below. I would suggest a white and black one and one that isn’t overly decorated as it will leave more space for your questions. A volley ball works fine too and allows you to include some longer questions but has fewer spots for different questions.
• Permanent markers that will show up on your soccer ball. We used a regular black magic marker and a Sharpie white paint marker for the black spaces.
• Write a question on each spot on the ball. The questions we used are listed below, but feel free to pick your favorites and add your own. Based on experience, I suggest writing questions on about a quarter of the ball at a time and letting the marker dry completely before doing the next section (this helps to avoid smudging and gives you a way to hold the ball while you’re working).

Once your ball is done, the exercise itself is pretty simple. Pass the ball around the room or the table. As a child catches the ball, have them answer the question in the section under their right thumb. You’ll be surprised how well this activity brings even shy kids out of their shell.

Here are the questions we put on this ball (you could do a separate ball with questions for an individual emotion like anger, sadness or grief). You will notice that we used a mixture of emotion-specific questions and questions designed to get kids talking about things that might spark conversations about emotions:

• What is the hardest thing about being a kid?
• What emotion is strongest in your life?
• What would you do if you were never afraid?
• When do you get angry?
• How did you overcome your biggest challenge?
• What color describes your mood?
• What would you do if you had a “magic wand?”
• What makes you cry?
• What stresses you out?
• What is your favorite memory?
• Give 3 words to describe how you feel right now.
• Share something you fear.
• Describe a happy family.
• What is the greatest thing about being you?
• What is the best advice you ever received?
• Do you ever feel lonely? When?
• What do you look like when you get angry?
• Tell about a time when you hurt someone’s feelings.
• What is your biggest worry?
• If you could change anything in the world, what would it be?
• If you could have any superpower, what would you pick?
• Share one of the happiest days of your life.
• Talk about a time when you were very irritated.
• How do you feel when someone laughs at you?
• When do you feel sad?
• What is the best advice you ever received?

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