Emotion Color Swatches are a cheap and easy way to teach kids different words for emotions and different degrees of emotions.

Here’s how to make them:

• Go to your local hardware store or pain store and get a variety of paint samples that show three or four different intensities of a color on one sheet (we used samples that showed four colors).
• On each sample, write words that represent varying degrees of emotions going from least intense (lightest color) to most intense (darkest color).
• You can make up your own groupings or use the ones we’ve developed which are shown below (you can access a printable copy of by clicking on the worksheet below). We grouped our emotions as well (e.g., red samples related to emotions in the “anger” category, yellow was “joyous” emotions, blue for emotions related to “sad” as so on).
• Once all of our samples were done, we bound them using a metal ring.

Here’s how to use them:

There are a number of ways you can use the Emotions Color Swatches to help teach kids about emotions: Continue reading

Several months ago, we received the following comment from a reader:

Do you have anything I can read about the upside down family law court system in OK? How do you help three little boys whose father adores them, helps them with all their sports, mother has an affair and the court system gives him only standard visitation. 4 days a month is UNPARDONABLE! What can be done to come against a small town judge who clearly has issues against men herself to rule the way she did???

I don’t know the details of this family’s situation, but I have been involved in enough divorce cases to know that many times one side, or both, feels this way about the decisions handed down by the court. I also know that those of us who work with children of divorce are often solicited for information and advice by the parents of the kids that we minister to.

With the help of Linda Ranson Jacobs, a writer here on Hope 4 Hurting Kids, who has worked extensively with children of divorce and lived for a long period of time in Oklahoma, I set out to answer this question in a manner which I feel would be most beneficial to the kids involved. Here is my answer:

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H4HK FAQs are designed to answer questions kids and teens ask when facing difficult situations and circumstances in their lives.

Following the divorce or separation of your parents, your relationship with them may feel distant or strained.  It may be the case that you have been angry with them and have intentionally avoided them causing your relationship to suffer.  They might be busy with adjusting to a new life away from your other parent and not be spending time with you.  You may both be avoiding one another because you don’t know what to say, or maybe you’re afraid that you’ll hurt your parents’ feelings if you tell them what you’re really thinking.

Whether you admit it or not, most children instinctively desire to protect their parents.  No matter how wrong you might think they were to get divorced in the first place, you may be reluctant to share the emotions and troubles you have for fear of making things worse for them.

On the other hand, if your parents are divorced or separated, you are likely experiencing some emotions you have never felt before or never felt quite this intensely.  Many of the articles and resources on this site are designed to help you process those emotions and understand and deal with them better.

That said, you still need someone to talk to about your emotions.  Just the process of naming your emotions and talking about your struggles is an important first step in overcoming them.  The person you talk to may be a friend or a trusted adult, but sometimes the person you really need to talk to is your parent.  It may be scary or uncomfortable, but in the long-term you will both benefit from having the conversation.

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The Elephant Noise Maker is a fun and useful tool for teaching kids deep breathing techniques. Deep breathing is a key coping skill and one of the Soothing Coping Skills covered in Please Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff.

In the past we have drawn a picture of an elephant on a piece of heavy paper or cardboard to create our elephant noise makers. With this new template you can either use the picture to trace on something more durable or simply cut the elephant out and use the template itself.

Here’s are the instructions:

1.Cut out the elephant from the template. Either trace the elephant on to heavy duty paper or cardboard if desired or use the elephant from the template.

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I often have the opportunity to speak with children’s workers who work with children of divorce. One of the biggest issues when it comes to ministering to these children has to do with discipline.

On one occasion, I was part of a children’s ministers’ small group meeting, and we were talking about summer camps. I mentioned that I thought it would be great if there were a class for children of divorce during a summer camp. One of the ladies said:

“Oh yeah?!? Who would want a class of all out of control kids? Because, you know those kids from divorced homes – they are going to be acting out all the time!”

WHAT! Don’t these kids deserve the Lord’s love and the opportunity to have summer camp experiences just like kids from intact families?

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Welcome to the second installment in a line of new resources from Hope 4 Hurting Kids called Scenario Cards (I Feel). Last week, we introduced Emotion Scenario Cards (Anger).

These Scenario Cards present scenarios to teens and kids that can be used in a variety of ways in our comprehensive emotions management plan known as Jump In! Stand Strong! Rise Up! This particular set of cards presents kids with a range of scenarios that might elicit a variety of different emotions. These cards can be used in a variety of ways:

1. Talk to the child or teen about what emotion each particular scenario might elicit and why. [This accomplishes the Talk About It component of The Super Simple Feelings Management Technique.]
2. Using the index from the My Feelings Workbook, have the child sort of the cards into stacks based on what emotion they would feel for each scenario. [This accomplishes the Feel It and Talk About It components of The Super Simple Feelings Management Technique.]
3. Talk to the child about what emotion they would feel in these circumstances and what coping techniques they could use to deal with the situation. [This accomplishes the Talk About It component of The Super Simple Feelings Management Technique and also helps children to review the various coping mechanisms in the Please Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff collection of coping skills.]

You can access a downloadable pdf file with the complete set of scenario cards by clicking on the picture above.

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When God first called me into this ministry, I have to say that it didn’t make any sense to me. I am not a child of divorce, not have I been divorced myself. Nonetheless, I began to research the impact of divorce on kids and resonate with much of what I was reading. That said, despite reading thousands upon thousands of pages of research, advice and pontification, it was only after I started to hear the first-hand accounts of children of divorce that I began to truly understand how permeating the effects of divorce are on a child. So, with great anticipation, and a sense of great responsibility, I am starting a new series here on Hope 4 Hurting Kids called “Divorce Through Their Eyes.” In this series, we will look at some firsthand accounts of children who have been there and can recount from their own experience how divorce affected their lives.

This first story comes from a young gentleman named Andy Campbell who tells the story of how the divorce of his parents impacted something as simple as a 10 year old’s baseball game. He writes poignantly about how his parents’ divorce affected him in very profound, and often times unseen, ways in an April 24, 2012 article titled Confessions Of A Divorce Kid: The Awkward Baseball Game:

It’s the bottom of the ninth. Full count, two outs and the bases are loaded. I could win the game with one accurate swing. The weight of the world is on my 10-year-old shoulders.

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H4HK FAQs are designed to answer questions kids and teens ask when facing difficult situations and circumstances in their lives.

If you ever wonder if it’s ok to love both of your parents after a divorce or separation, the answer to this question is simple:

YES

You absolutely have the right to love both of your parents no matter what happened in their relationship with one another.

Sometimes the fact that you love one parent might make things uncomfortable for the other parent, and other times you might feel like the fact that you love your Dad makes your Mom mad or vice-versa.  Unfortunately, you might be right. Especially when parents have gotten a divorce, one or both parents may harbor resentment and anger towards the other parent.  They might even try to influence you to feel the same way they do about your other parent.  What they are doing isn’t fair to you, but it is likely the result of the frustration and stress that they are feeling.  Unfortunately, parents are human beings too, and even parents make mistakes.

One fundamental right that every child from a divorced or separated home should have is the freedom to love both parents.  If you are in a situation where one parent is making that hard or uncomfortable, there are some things you can do to try to make the situation better: Continue reading

Welcome to the first installment in a line of new resources from Hope 4 Hurting Kids called Emotion Scenario Cards (Anger). These Emotion Scenario Cards present scenarios to teens and kids that can be used in a variety of ways in our comprehensive emotions management plan known as Jump In! Stand Strong! Rise Up! This particular set of cards presents kids with a range of scenarios that are likely to cause some degree of frustration or anger. These cards can be used in a variety of ways:

1. Play a game called “Anger in Action.” Have a child select one card and act out two different ways of responding to that situation (or use two kids to act out different scenarios). Encourage them to be dramatic. Then discuss what were the best, worst and funniest reactions. [This accomplishes the Feel It, Mimic It and Talk About It components of The Super Simple Feelings Management Technique.]
2. Use the cards in conjunction with the The Anger-ometer to talk to kids about varying degrees of anger. [This accomplishes the Feel It and Talk About It components of The Super Simple Feelings Management Technique.]
3. Use the cards in conjunction with the Putting Anger in the Cross Hairs technique of dealing with anger to discuss things that might make kids angry. [This accomplishes the Feel It and Talk About It components of The Super Simple Feelings Management Technique and also serves as a Physical coping mechanism in the Please Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff listing of coping skills.]

You can access a downloadable pdf file with the complete set of scenario cards by clicking on the picture above.

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Last week, we looked at how we can help children of divorce to develop spiritual mannerisms by modeling such behavior for them. This week, I want to talk about some specific areas and things you can do to help children of divorce develop spiritual mannerisms and hopefully avoid the exodus from church which is so common after parents divorce.

Prayer

Ask children to pray for other members of the congregation. Getting the child outside their world by praying for others is one of these spiritual mannerisms we can teach. Model the act of praising God for small things. Share on a regular basis how God answers prayers. Share small parts of your life with the child. Build relationships with each child through the act of prayer. Praying with a child and for a child tells the child you care enough and they matter to you.

Andrew Root in his book, “The Children of Divorce” says that when children go through their parents divorce that their very being is shaken. They wonder if they are even real. When children take part and contribute it helps them feel real. It helps them connect to the family of God. It gives them purpose. It gives power and meaning to their being. Continue reading