The Emotion Mix Up Game is a fun way to really get kids and young people thinking about emotion by having them imagine what it would look like to have a less obvious emotion in reaction to a particular circumstance. Although it is similar to the Feelings Ball Toss game, it adds a fun twist that will get kids thinking about their emotions and the scenarios that cause them.

Here’s What You Need:

• Last week we looked at the Feelings Ball Toss / Emotions Sorting activity. You’ll use the colored bowls and the balls from that game.
• You will use a set of the Scenario Cards (I Feel) sorted by color. The colors will hopefully match the color of the bowls. If not, you can improvise.

Here’s How To Play:

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INTRODUCTION

Several years ago, the Institute for American Values released a new report titled “Does the Shape of Families Shape Faith?” The report, written by Elizabeth Marquardt, Amy Ziettlow, and Charles E. Stokes, represents a call to action for churches in regards to ministering to children of divorce.

The report starts quite simply by stating,

“It’s time for people of faith to talk about the impact of divorce on the next generation.”

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H4HK FAQs are designed to answer questions kids and teens ask when facing difficult situations and circumstances in their lives.

If you are wondering if your parents’ divorce or separation is your fault, you are not alone.  Most children of divorce at some point believe that their parents’ split up had something to do with them.  Maybe you think if you had behaved better they would still be together.  Perhaps you wonder if you weren’t involved in so many extra-curricular activities if they wouldn’t fight so much and would still be together.  Maybe something happened on the day your parents told you about the split, and you’re convinced that what you did that day caused them to split up.  Regardless of why you think you caused your parents’ divorce, there is one thing that you need to know for certain:

CHILDREN DO NOT CAUSE DIVORCES, ADULTS DO!

In other words:

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About the Book

Emotional Monster is fun little book for introducing the youngest of kids to the idea of emotions. It also introduces the concept of breathing as a means for dealing with growing emotions.

Who Is This Book For?

This book is aimed primarily at toddler and pre-school aged children. It is bright and colorful and meant to be read to children.

Our Synopsis of the Book

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Introduction: From the Seventies – Children Are Resilient

In the early seventies our world changed dramatically. Divorce, while it had always been around, was kept fairly quiet. All of that changed when Ronald Regan signed the no fault divorce law in California. Like a speeding bullet divorce took aim at the families of America. Ronald Regan had no way of knowing that this one law would change our society in monumental ways.

Immediately I was thrown into the divorce arena when after moving to California I was placed in a low-income school where the majority of the children came from broken homes. I began to witness parents of the children in our school remarrying only to divorce again. Or I watched as uncle after uncle moved in and out of the homes. Fathers on the other hand just called their girlfriends live-ins. I began taking mental notes and studying the child of divorce.

The general consensus at that time was that children were resilient. They would suffer for a short while and then they would be okay. Many people thought if the parents would quickly remarry this would give the child a two-parent family then things would be even better.

I have kept in touch or kept track of some of the children I worked with back in the early 70s. For the children that had extended family support and church family support their outcomes are much better than ones that didn’t. Escapism seemed to be the route many took and still take today. Some accomplished this through dependence on drugs, alcohol and changing partners.

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Feelings Ball Toss is a fun activity to play with kids to help them understand different emotions. The great part about the game is that it can be played a number of different ways.

Here’s How To Set It Up

• Get a series of bowls or tubs. We used the different colored bowls shown about that we got at Dollar Tree for a buck a piece.
• Label each bowl with a different emotions. You can write the emotion or draw a picture using marker, but we opted to print various emojis and tape them inside the bowls.
• Get some sort of soft ball or object that can be tossed into the bowls. We bought a set of 12 puffer balls on amazon that we use for the game. In addition to not bouncing and rolling as much as regular balls, they’re also a nice stress reliever for the kids.
• Set the bowls on one side of the room (up against a wall works well as a makeshift backboard).
• Have the kids stand at the other side of the room with a ball.

Here’s How to Play

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Last week someone on Facebook asked the question:

Besides sharing information with both households… how would you like to see schools be more supportive of separated and divorced parents?

The local schools are, in many respects, far out in front of the church in terms of adjusting to and responding to the issues that face children of divorce, and the church would do well to learn from, and partner with schools in helping these kids. Here is how I responded to the inquiry about what schools can do. I think these are also ideas the church can embrace and use to minister more effectively to children of divorce:

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H4HK FAQs are designed to answer questions kids and teens ask when facing difficult situations and circumstances in their lives.

This article from SafeTeen.org helps teens to understand how they might feel following the divorce of their parents and things they can do to help.  Although brief, this article provides a good overview and some sound suggestions.  The article explains:

Your parents are getting a divorce. Whether this is expected or unexpected, it is a traumatizing and overwhelming event to experience. Sometimes, teens and children feel like they somehow caused the divorce.

It offers the following advice to teens on how to make the divorce easier:

• Be fair to both parents
• Work it out
• Stay in touch
• Don’t worry about the future
• Keep living your life
• Focus on the positive

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Not all coping mechanisms are positive. Today I’d like to discuss a negative coping mechanism often used by kids in dealing with negative emotions.

What is Burying the Box?

Children and adults often use a wide range of coping mechanisms to deal with difficult situations. One such coping mechanisms that kids often employ is known as “Burying the Box” of feelings. Burying the Box is all about disguising the impacts of difficult emotions by putting on a “happy face” and an air of confidence to the outside world.

Just because someone has a smile on their face and seems to be fine doesn’t mean that’s actually the case. As discussed in my last article, children generally have little control over their own surroundings. This results in them using coping mechanisms that aren’t always particularly healthy. I often see it in clients (especially those aged 13-18) who will laugh off their experiences as if they don’t matter and have discernible impact on them.

Underneath the confidence though is a young person putting up their guard and not allowing anyone to come too close. They build these false walls telling people telling people “I’m fine” or “My day was ok thanks” rather than dealing with the underlying emotions. You will soon realise these statements come with little detail or support. A kid who is Burying the Box will appear as though they are soaring with confidence to their peers while totally shutting off the people who know what they have been through. This is because they want to minimize the risk of having to talk about their actual feelings. Continue reading

It’s one thing to know something about a single parent family’s situation. It’s quite another thing to understand a situation enough that you can empathize, appreciate the frustrations involved in living in a single parent home and be tolerant of a family’s situation.

In this article, I’d like to look at actually understanding what goes on inside a single parent home. Try to place yourself in the role of being a single parent. First of all there is no one to help you. I mean NO ONE! You are on 24/7 and that’s not for just a day or week or a month or this year but for many single parents it is for years.

Let’s look in on some typical single parents. In this first scene we see a mom sitting in the audience of a school concert. She is sitting there looking very calm on the outside but on the inside experiencing unbelievable turmoil.

“Now let’s see, if Chase’s group will just perform in the next fifteen minutes then I can sneak out of this concert and go across town, and if I don’t hit too many red lights, I can get there just in time to see Heather play soccer. If I can just stay long enough to see one quarter, are they called quarters or what? Oh well, I have to learn about soccer on another day, I don’t have time to worry about it now. Let’s see where was I? Oh yes, I can come back here pick up Chase before the end of this performance and then we can rush back, get Heather, go home and make dinner. Oh yeah, I’ve got to remember to pick up some milk for breakfast. Then while dinner is cooking I can start the laundry. I hope those kids got the clothes sorted. Did Chase say he needs tape for that science project? Oh well, I might as well get some tape while I’m at the store. After dinner I’ll have to remember to set aside some time to help Chase with that project. After I get the kids to bed I’ve got to remember to go online and pay the credit card bill. Please let my paycheck get to the bank before the credit card payment! I’m going to have to remember to check the date online on that bill and make sure I can pay it after 11:00 pm in our time zone and not get charged another late fee. I think there’s a three-hour difference in our time zones. Honestly, I can’t keep up with when everything goes through the bank and I’ve got to remember that I wrote a check for the school fundraiser. Did I even give Heather that check yesterday morning? Then I’ll have to get my clothes ready for tomorrow. I think I’ll wear that blue outfit but I have to remember to fix that tear. Gee, I wonder how many more washings that outfit can take. It must be five years old by now but I’ve got that important meeting at work tomorrow and I’ve got to wear something that looks half-way decent. Whew! Maybe I can get to bed by midnight. Oh well, that’s earlier than last night. Oh, shoot I was supposed to call my mom tonight. I’ll have to remember to try and find time tomorrow night.”

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