Family

“She wants you to do what?” The dad said after his son explained his mom wanted him to keep his iPhone with him when they went on vacation. It seems as though the mom wants to keep in touch with his son when he is at his dad’s all summer. Summer months can become sticky and messy for both sides. And it can become extremely stressful for the child caught in the middle. Dad may want his time with his child and he may want it uninterrupted. Mom is worried about little things, and she wants to make sure her ...

Who Is Raising Our Children? We all know that our children are our next generation. Unless there is a conscious effort on the part of an adult, people will parent their own kids the way they were parented. Being parented doesn’t necessarily mean that a mother and/or father raised you. For generations, people like grandparents, aunts, uncles and friends have raised children. We have even had children being raised by people unknown to the child such as foster parents. The Bible, as well as history books, are full of stories of children being raised by someone other than their birth ...

At the crux of Hope 4 Hurting Kids is to explain why divorce should matter to churches and to call churches to serve to minister to children suffering from the effects of the divorce of their parents and/or living in single parent families. At times, that means encouraging churches to start programs like Divorce Care 4 Kids or The Big “D” which are “support group” type programs targeted at children of divorce to help them deal with the impacts of the divorce and point them towards God as the ultimate source of healing. However, just starting a new program isn’t ...

In years past, when family life was in turmoil, the local community church was the place people went for comfort. When divorce became rampant in the seventies, many of those divorcing families quit attending church all together. The very place these hurting children needed the most (church) ended up being the first place they were pulled away from. Community As A Place of Comfort Today our families are deteriorating while churches largely ignore the problem. Research and reports tell us that up to 65% of all families in American are non-nuclear families. This includes single parent families, step families, etc ...

Hope 4 Hurting Kids has an unofficial verse which guides most of our efforts in ministering to children of divorce, children from single parent families and those who minister to these kids. Before Hope 4 Hurting Kids ever formally existed, I had this verse printed on the back of business cards meant to make people familiar with the site. The verse is Psalm 34:18 which says, The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. [Psalm 34:18 ESV] This verse, written by David while he was on the run from Saul. Our goal is to minister ...

Grandparents are often caught in the tensions between parents when divorce takes place. Eager to help ease the situation, many grandparents are confused about how they can play a part in addressing the pain, confusion and other emotional issues that may be affecting their innocent Grandkids. Since every divorce is unique there are no cookie-cutter solutions that do the trick. But there are some guidelines to keep in mind, especially in regards to being there for your grandchildren. If you haven’t been close to the kids beforehand, post-divorce is a difficult time to develop a relationship. But if you already ...

For the past several weeks we’ve been discussing children of divorce who have challenging behaviors. Today I want to discuss reasons some of the children exhibit challenging behaviors. Many times it can be because of what we do to set them up to fail. Things like attendance charts, bible memory drills, mother-daughter days or father-son events can cause the child of divorce to concentrate on their family problems. It can drive them away from the very thing that can help them heal, learning about Christ and our Heavenly Father. It’s not that churches can’t have these events, but it might ...

"Spare the Child" is a great 18 minute long video produced by The Virginia State Bar Family Law Section to help parents understand how they can help to minimize the impacts of divorce on their children. It is a great video for parents, but it is also very useful for those who work with children of divorce as it provides a good understanding of what kids go through in the process of divorce. The video is based on interviews with judges, lawyers, mediators and adult children of divorce. You can find more information about the DVD at http://www.vsb.org/site/news/item/spare-the-child-new-dvd. The video ...

As a single mom, Mother’s Day was always the most dreaded holiday. To me it was worse than Christmas, Valentines or any other day. It didn’t help that it seemed like almost every year when my children were young Mother’s Day came on the weekend they visited their father. So I would trudge to church, sit alone, and watch all the lovely families celebrate their mothers. I remember one year I stood in the church parking lot and watched all the families come out of the church and shout to each other, “Hey we’re taking our mom out for lunch ...

As the adult it is imperative that you stay in control. Remember you are constantly modeling for the children in your groups and classes. Think about what you are modeling. When entering a confrontation are you remaining calm or are you exhibiting the very behaviors you’re trying to stop? Limit your responses Think about what to say before you approach the child. Tell the child you need time to think about what happened, buy yourself time. Use what I call “the peace maker form”. It’s a piece of paper with three columns on it. The child writes or draws what ...

In this article, we present a hypothetical speech to a pastor or congregation about why your church should minister to children of divorce.  In this speech, we are pitching the Divorce Care 4 Kids [DC4K] ministry. At Hope 4 Hurting Kids, one of our basic beliefs is that the church should be a place of support and healing for children of divorce, but what would you  say to the members of your church in an effort to get them behind a new ministry, and possibly even volunteer for a ministry, aimed at helping children of divorce to heal. The program ...

"Advice for Stepparents on Dealing With Stepkids" from HuffPost asked several "experts" in the field for their advice on how stepparents can "create a healthy, unhurried relationship with their stepkids." Divorce is hard on kids, and it takes time for children to adjust to the divorce of their parents.  The fact is, they may never fully adjust.  However, equally stressful to children of divorce can be when their parents begin to date and especially if they remarry.  Many stepparents have faced the battle of trying to relate to, and form a relationship with, their stepkids. The article explains: It’s a ...