For many of us, Christmas is a joyous time filled memories of Christmases gone by, but for many children the season brings all kinds of additional stressors and emotions.  This includes children spending this holiday season suffering through their parents divorced, with absentee parent(s) and under tremendous stress for any variety of reasons.

At Hope 4 Hurting Kids, we’ve put together the following simple infographic to help you help hurting and stressed out children navigate this Christmas season.  It includes an explanation as to why Christmas is not always the “Most Wonderful Time of the Year” for kids, tips for parents and others for helping children this season and a brief reminder of what Christmas is really all about.  This resource is intended for parents, children’s pastors and anyone else who work with children.

Please click on the graphic below for a larger pdf version of the resource for printing.

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When you work with kids who are hurting from any variety of circumstances, it is important to know when you are in “over your head” and when you need to seek professional help for the child.

Know your limitations

For those us who are passionate about helping kids and/or who have worked with kids for some time, we sometimes want to do it all ourselves to make sure that child we are working with is helped. It’s easy to lose site of the fact that sometimes our ability and skills just aren’t enough. If we really want to help these kids, we need to be able to recognize when we need to get a Professional Counselor, Psychologist or Psychiatrist involved.

If you work closely with kids, there will be times when you will need to be prepared to refer a child to a professional. You should be prepared for this eventuality by compiling and keeping a list of Christian Counselor and other professionals in your area that you can refer kids (and their families) to.

Know the Signs that Professional Help May Be Needed

If a child your are working with exhibits any of the following signs consistently, you should consider the need to refer to another professional: Continue reading

One of our goals at Hope 4 Hurting Kids is to find very practical ways to serve hurting kids and their families. For us, it is not enough to just speak or write generally about children who are hurting; we want to serve those children directly, and their families. We also seek to serve those who work with hurting children. One very effective means and practical way that we can serve these kids and this community is through prayer.

James 5:13-16 tells us:

¹³ Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise. ¹⁴ Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. ¹⁵ And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. ¹⁶ Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.

Prayer is important, and it is something that God calls us to do for one another. There are so many verses in the Bible dealing with prayer that I can’t possibly include them all here, but I do want to share a couple:

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Dale Hudson offers up background information on foster kids and ideas on how to minister to them in a church situation in his article How To Minister to Foster Kids in Your Church (from Relevant Kids Ministry).

Ideas for Further Discussion About Foster Families

• How many foster kids are there in your community?
• Are there foster kids in your church? How do you know?
• Do you understand how the foster system works?
• What do you do for the foster kids and families in your church and community?
• Are there things you should you be doing that you aren’t?
• What’s worked for you and what hasn’t?

Scripture includes the revelation of God, and as such it guides and forms our view of all things – including divorce. Too many churches and ministries avoid this topic for fear of the backlash from their congregations. It is time that we, as the Church, stood up in love and took a position on this issue.

Before we get into the scriptural passages about divorce, I want to say a couple of words of Hope 4 Hurting Kids. Our primary focus when it comes to divorce is not on the cause of the divorce or the classification of divorce but on the outcomes of that divorce when it comes to the millions of children who go through their parents’ divorce.

Whether you agree with the position set forth below, or hold some other view, the fact of the matter is that for children the divorce of their parents is a stressful, traumatic and life changing event. We should not, and cannot, let our views on divorce itself keep us from working together to help the children of divorce.  Nonetheless, we do believe that God is our ultimate guide, and He has chosen to provide us with insight into divorce within scripture.

With that caveat, here is what we believe the Bible teaches about divorce. We have included scripture references for your review: Continue reading

I love working in children’s ministry.  God has blessed me with the opportunity to tell young children about Him. That is one the greatest blessings He has ever bestowed on me. Leading a small group of children is one of my favorite things to do in children’s ministry.  I love to talk to, interact with, disciple and to dig into the Word of God with them.  I love to build relationships with them, and I believe that God has gifted me in this area.  I have been privileged to experience many joyous and significant moments through my work with children. However, there have also been moments which have broken my heart and sent me to my knees in prayer.

I will never forget one particular Sunday afternoon when I was leading a group of kindergarteners and first graders.  We had worked through all of the small group activities for that particular weekend, and I was taking advantage of the extra time to get them know them all a little bit better.  We were talking about the usual suspects – pets, siblings, school, friends, etc.  I was asking some questions to try to get them talking, and we started talking about what each of them had done that weekend.  I asked the typical questions.  Had they done anything fun?  Did they spend the day with their Mom and Dad? Did they play with their pets?

As we went around the table, each child shared how they had spent their weekend thus far.  Then, I it came time for one little girl to share what she had done that weekend:

We spent yesterday packing up the house in boxes.

Being just a little naïve, and not realizing what was coming next,  I pressed a little harder,

Oh, are you moving?  Where are you moving to?  We’re going to miss you if you move far away.

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Children dealing with loss and trauma are generally dealing with emotions they have never felt before. Alternatively, they are dealing with an intensity of emotions they have never felt before. Either way, they are ill-equipped to deal with those emotions. Your job is to find tools and methods to help them process through those emotions. A feelings wheel is a valuable tool.

The first step in helping any child deal with difficult emotions (regardless of the source of those emotions) will be to help them recognize and name the emotions they are feeling. Feelings wheels are a simple and effective tool to increase a child’s “emotion vocabulary,” and many options are available online. These tools are all useful for kids who have been through some sort of traumatic life event. They are also useful for giving any child a more robust emotional vocabulary. Teaching kids about emotions prior to trauma and pain is an important preventative measure in dealing with the hurts they will experience as they move through childhood and into adulthood. Much of what we learn about emotions is based on our own life experiences. Kids do not have those experiences, as a general rule, in order to be able to understand the emotions they are feeling.

Feelings wheels can be used in a number of way:

1. To help kids experiencing new or unfamiliar emotions to try to find a name for that emotion.
2. To prepare kids ahead of time by exploring different types of emotions.
3. As a “cheat sheet” for emotion vocabulary building games like “emotions charades” or “mirroring emotions.” (Both of these will be addressed in more detail in later posts).
4. To help adults who are not as comfortable with a range of emotions by providing them with a vocabulary for helping kids.

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One new feature on Hope 4 Hurting Kids will be our “Weekend Reading.” Every (read most) weekend, we will provide a link related to working with distressed and hurting children. Sometimes these links provide useful information on working with hurting kids. Other times they will be meant to get you thinking or spark a conversation. As an added bonus, we are presenting our first and last Saturday Link on Tuesday to celebrate Divorce Ministry 4 Kids becoming Hope 4 Hurting Kids.

This is a great article about working with kids in a church setting. So, what are your rules about mentoring and counseling kids and teens?

We are pleased to announce an exciting transition today for Divorce Ministry 4 Kids and Hope 4 Hurting Kids. Effectively immediately, all ministry previously done through Divorce Ministry 4 Kids will be done through Hope 4 Hurting Kids. Articles and information previously hosted at DivorceMinistry4Kids.com will gradually be moved over to Hope4HurtingKids.com, and all future postings will be made on Hope4HurtingKids.com. We are excited about this evolution of the ministry which started over six years ago with the creation of Divorce Ministry 4 Kids, and we look forward to moving ahead and continuing to help hurting kids through Hope 4 Hurting Kids. We recognize that this transition likely raises some questions, and the purpose of this article is to answer those questions to the best of our ability.

Why Is Divorce Ministry 4 Kids becoming Hope 4 Hurting Kids?

There are many reasons we decided to make this switch now. Here are a few of the main reasons:

1. When we started Divorce Ministry or Kids in 2011, our main purpose was to minister to children who had experienced the divorce of their parents. We quickly realized that there were many kids who experience the trauma of family disruption even though their parents havn’t technically divorced. These include kids born to single mothers, living with their grandparents, living with cohabiting parents, gay parent led families and many more. Unfortunately, many of these kids, and the people working with them, would not take advantage of the resources we were offering simply because the name Divorce is in the title of the ministry. The principal reason for the name change is so that these kids can get the help they need.
2. When I launched Divorce Ministry 4 Kids, it was in response to a call I felt to minister to these kids. I liked the name and didn’t do a lot of research on it before we locked up the domain, developed a logo and invested some time and money into it. THEN, I found out there was a great curriculum out there for children of divorce called Divorce Care 4 Kids (DC4K). I have nothing but respect for DC4K. I teach a local DC4K group in my home town and have for years. The writer of DC4K, Linda Ranson Jacobs, is a mentor and has become a great friend. In fact, she has written extensively for Divorce Ministry 4 Kids (and you’ll see many of her articles as we transition those to Hope 4 Hurting Kids). Despite all that, people have always confused the two ministries, and understandably so. This move is designed, in part, to delineate the work and ministry we now do from the curriculum of DC4K.
3. Our ministry has also expanded since we started Divorce Ministry 4 Kids. As we created resources for, and worked with, kids dealing with the trauma of family disruption, we discovered that those same resources and that same information is helpful to kids who are experiencing all different types of circumstances and difficulties. For example, over the last few years a major portion of our work has focused on resources and training related to helping kids to deal with difficult emotions. These emotions like anger, depression, anxiety and stress are prevalent in the case of family disruption, but they are obviously not limited to just family disruption. Our ministry has expanded to include kids in all types of situations, and the people working with them, and the move to Hope 4 Hurting Kids more accurately the work we are currently doing.

Has There Been Any Turnover in People?

No. Hope 4 Hurting Kids and Divorce Ministry 4 Kids have always been related. They were both started by Wayne Stocks, and for a long time, Divorce Ministry 4 Kids was a “proud member of Hope 4 Hurting Kids.” The individuals behind the two ministries are the same and this is simply a rebranding/simplification of the ministry we have always been doing.

What Changes Can We Expect from this Transition?

You will see the following changes if you currently follow Divorce Ministry 4 Kids or are searching for one of our resources:

• Effective immediately, any new articles and resources that would previously have been posted on DivorceMinistry4Kids.com will be posted at Hope4HurtingKids.com.
• You will also begin to see articles and resources not specifically designed for children from disrupted homes but which may still be beneficial to children dealing with the fall out from a family disruption.
• If you follow Divorce Ministry 4 Kids in a blog reader, Facebook, Twitter, etc. you will want to follow Hope 4 Hurting Kids from hereon out (more on how to do that below).
• Articles and resources previously published on Divorce Ministry 4 Kids will slowly be reissued on Hope 4 Hurting Kids. These articles will be republished in their entirety (and at times updated) and taken down from Divorce Ministry 4 Kids. We are working hard to make sure that any links to Divorce Ministry 4 Kids will be redirected to Hope 4 Hurting Kids so that any old links will still lead people to the right place, but we would ask that any new links to these articles be linked to Hope 4 Hurting Kids.
• Future workshops and presentations will be done under the moniker of Hope 4 Hurting Kids rather than Divorce Ministry 4 Kids.

What Won’t Change?

• • We will still be helping kids who need it and teaching other people how to do the same. We have believed from the beginning, and continue to believe, that the mission of helping these kids dictates that we produce and provide the highest quality information and resources that we can. That goal will continue at Hope 4 Hurting Kids.

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When Divorce Ministry 4 Kids launched in 2011, I took the time to introduce myself as the founder of that ministry. I have neglected to do that here on Hope 4 Hurting Kids. The following is an introduction that I wrote back in 2011 for Divorce Ministry 4 Kids which I have now been updated to include the last six years.

I am, first and foremost, a sinner saved by grace.  I will save that testimony for another time, but if you are really interested you can find it here.

I am married to Tricia and the father of four kids: Joshua (23), Jacob (15), Lyndsey (13) and Nathan (9).  God has worked through my relationships with my wife and kids to teach more about Him than He has through any other method, and that is just one of the reasons that I am eternally grateful for all of them.

I did not grow up in church – far from it. As a child, we used to attend Catholic Mass once a year at Christmas time, but that was the extent of my exposure to God. After my third child (Lyndsey) was born, some friends invited us to their church. They had actually invited me previously, but that was the first time I actually took them up on the offer. I felt like I owed it to my kids to check out this whole “God thing.” So, I accepted their invitation, and I started to research. I read the Bible, and I started to read anything I could get my hands on about the Bible. Through that process, and through the church I was attending at the time, God drew me into his kingdom when I was 30 years old.

A few months later there was a need to fill a spot in the two-year-old room, and I had a nagging small group leader, so I “volunteered.” That year, I fell in love with working with God’s kids. The following year, the need was in the 2^nd grade room, so I moved up and agreed to start doing some of the large group teaching. What started as a once-a-month commitment quickly became an every week schedule and a daily pursuit, and God showed me the joy of teaching His Kids about Him.

After that, due to some other circumstances, my family and I changed churches. I was out of Children’s Ministry for about a year-and-a-half. It was during that time that I really felt God’s tug on my life and realized that working in children’s ministry was not just something that I was doing to fill a need but something that He had called me to do. I couldn’t have been happier about that calling! I immersed myself in the world of children’s ministry.

In addition to the call to teach children about God, I felt like God was calling me to encourage and equip others who work with children so I started blogging about my family and my work in children’s ministry at a blog called Dad in the Middle. I started the blog to collect my thoughts and write about the things I am passionate about in my life – those being God, My family and children’s ministry. I won’t go into details on the name of the blog, but you can find more about it on the About page of the website.

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