“‘I hate Divorce,’ says the Lord God of Israel”

For some church leaders and children’s workers, it may be hard to truly understand what happens with a child of divorce inside their heads, within their hearts and under their skin.

Plainly stated, children lose their family. They lose a mom and dad living together as a unit. While this may seem like it is a simple statement, it has monumental outcomes when it comes to living the life of a child. Family is where you are supposed to feel safe, carefree and loved. It is where you learn to navigate life. It is where you learn what you believe and you are able to experiment with values and learn family traditions. It is part of who you are when you grow up and become an adult.

Children go from living in one world, which is hard enough when you are little kid, to living in two completely different worlds with different rules, values and many times beliefs. At times these worlds collide and then continue to change rapidly. It is hard to figure out schedules and logistics. Many times a child doesn’t even know who is picking them up from school or where they are going to spend the night let alone understand what mom or dad believe about God.

Everything may become uncertain to the child. Questions such as,

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Our view of, and relationship with our earthly fathers has a lasting impact on our view and ability to relate to our Heavenly Father. This is especially true for children of divorce and children who have been abandoned by their fathers.

God the Father

The father image of God is pervasive in scripture. Indeed, the Holy Trinity consists of God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. The Bible refers to God as Father over 250 times (primarily in the New Testament). The image of God as a personal father to those who put their faith in Jesus Christ is clear. Here is just a sampling of some of the many verses describing God as Father:

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When it comes to the issue of the children of divorce, the Bible is silent. Trust me! I looked. The question then becomes, why? Of course, there any number of things not specifically addressed in the Bible, and the failure to specifically mention a certain subject does not, of course, mean one thing or another. Yet, the question remains, why doesn’t the Bible say anything specific about children of divorce? As those who are committed to ministering to these kids, that question is of the utmost importance.

Here is how I would respond to that question. As I’ve already stated, the lack of specific mention should not be interpreted as any sort of indication that God does not care about these kids. The remainder of scripture would certainly refute that notion. The Bible, for example, never mentions the word Trinity, but that does not make the fact of the Trinity any less true. We can see the trust of the trinity in other verses of scripture without God specifically including the word. Likewise, when we turn to the totality of scripture, we can see God’s heart for suffering and lonely children despite the fact that the phrase “children of divorce” cannot be found in the Bible.

Take, for example, the words of Malachi:

But you say, “Why does he not?” Because the LORD was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth. [Malachi 2:14-15 ESV]

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A few years ago, I had the opportunity to teach first through fifth graders at church about the term faith. The jumping off point of our discussion was the story of Jesus and the Centurion’s servant as relayed in Matthew 8:5-13. In that story, Jesus agreed to heal the Centurion’s servant after being amazed by his faith. Matthew tells us:

When Jesus heard this, he was amazed and said to those following him, Truly I tell you, I have not found anyone in Israel with such great faith. [Matthew 8:10]

After discussing the story, the lesson covered five questions to help lay a foundation for faith in Jesus Christ. The five questions included:

1. Who do we put our faith in?
2. What is faith?
3. Why do we need faith?
4. Where does faith come from?
5. What do we do with faith?

The more I studied for this lesson and reviewed scriptures related to each point, the more I began to understand why the divorce of a child’s parents can, and oftentimes does, shatter their faith in God. More than just inconveniencing a child, or making them mad or upset, divorce cuts through them at a very deep theological level leaving them questioning everything they have ever believed in and/or preventing them from trusting in Jesus Christ in the future. Continue reading