Returning to school after their parents’ have separated or divorced can be difficult for any child. You can ease the transition, however, by opening the door to the many resources available to you through the school. The key here is in forming a cooperative relationship with key personnel.

Making your child’s teachers aware of a major change in your home environment is helpful both for them and your child. That’s because school is really a second home for children in our culture.

Regardless of their age, children can’t be expected to turn off their emotions during or after a divorce any more than their parents can. Fear, insecurity, shame, guilt and other emotions are usually triggered when a parental marriage ends. These complex feelings can affect a child’s focus, self-esteem, relationships with their friends as well as their academic performance.

Many children trust and feel safe with their teachers. By talking to the teacher in advance and explaining the status of your post-divorce arrangements, you can go a long way toward helping your child feel more secure or less alone.

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Last week someone on Facebook asked the question:

Besides sharing information with both households… how would you like to see schools be more supportive of separated and divorced parents?

The local schools are, in many respects, far out in front of the church in terms of adjusting to and responding to the issues that face children of divorce, and the church would do well to learn from, and partner with schools in helping these kids. Here is how I responded to the inquiry about what schools can do. I think these are also ideas the church can embrace and use to minister more effectively to children of divorce:

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H4HK FAQs are designed to answer questions kids and teens ask when facing difficult situations and circumstances in their lives.

Many children report that they just can’t concentrate on school, or just don’t care, since they found out that their parents are getting a divorce.  Many see a decrease in their grades and test scores, and some take years to “catch back up” if they ever do. If you find yourself in this situation, there are some steps you can take (or you can ask your parents to take) to help.

• Talk to your teachers, and let them know what is going on in your family if your parents haven’t already done that. Chances are that they care about you, and they will be willing to help you with your work through this difficult time.  Whether it is more attention, more time to complete assignments, extra tutoring or just a listening ear, whatever they are willing to offer can help you both with your school work and with getting back into a pattern. It might not seem like it now, but eventually many aspects of your life (like school) will get back to a normal pattern, and your teachers can help you to get through this difficult time until you get back to that pattern.
• Find a trusted adult to talk to about your emotions and struggles related to the divorce. When you keep all of that bottled up inside, your brain tends to focus on it leaving little brain power for homework and school.
• Talk to your friends. If they know what’s going on, they can help you study, give you notes when you “zone out” in a class or need someone to explain something to you.
• If you’re having trouble concentrating, force yourself to take detailed notes in class (even about those things you already know). If you make this a habit it forces you to concentrate, and as an added benefit, it might help to keep your mind off the divorce for a little while.
• Tell your parents that you are struggling at school and why. They might not be in a position to help you, but at least they won’t be surprised by it.
• Try to get homework done as soon as possible. Life is crazy right now, and if you leave your homework to the last second, there is a good chance that something, or someone, will come up that keeps you from getting it done.
• Get a planner. Let’s face it, you’ve got a lot going on in your life and a lot to keep track of these days. Get a calendar or a planner to keep track of where you need to be and when in addition to your homework.
• Fund time to be a kid. It’s easy to get so caught up in what’s going on with the divorce that you forget your primary job – to be a kid. It’s ok to take time to have fund and run and play with your friends.  Give your brain a break from worrying about the divorce and it will be in better shape in terms of doing your schoolwork.