Last week, we looked at how we can help children of divorce to develop spiritual mannerisms by modeling such behavior for them. This week, I want to talk about some specific areas and things you can do to help children of divorce develop spiritual mannerisms and hopefully avoid the exodus from church which is so common after parents divorce.

Prayer

Ask children to pray for other members of the congregation. Getting the child outside their world by praying for others is one of these spiritual mannerisms we can teach. Model the act of praising God for small things. Share on a regular basis how God answers prayers. Share small parts of your life with the child. Build relationships with each child through the act of prayer. Praying with a child and for a child tells the child you care enough and they matter to you.

Andrew Root in his book, “The Children of Divorce” says that when children go through their parents divorce that their very being is shaken. They wonder if they are even real. When children take part and contribute it helps them feel real. It helps them connect to the family of God. It gives them purpose. It gives power and meaning to their being. Continue reading

When I was a little girl my parents took my younger sister and I to a “fun house”. This house had a slanted floor with crooked walls, and it had distorted mirrors throughout the house. When we walked into the house I felt fairly normal. It felt a little strange to walk on a slanted floor. However, It wasn’t until I turned around and saw my sister standing there at an angle that I realized how un-normal I looked. When we saw our images in the distorted mirror, we both began to realize how strange we looked. Depending on how you moved, you might have a big or a little head, short or long legs or other weird looking body parts. The view of ourselves was distorted.

You might say that children of divorce have a distorted view of God and distorted images of spiritual issues. Like our images in the distorted mirrors at the fun house, things like praying, reading the Bible, and having a faith walk look strange to a child of divorce. That is, of course, unless someone has taken the time to model and discuss spiritual issues with them. Children of divorce may feel fairly normal until they see and compare themselves with other children at church, then they realize they are un-normal and strange looking in a Christian world.

Just like we teach children to say “please, thank you” and other terms of respect, we have to teach what I coin as “spiritual mannerisms” to children. When we teach manners we might start by modeling what we want the child to do. Next we might say, “What do you say when I give you a cookie?” In other words we consciously teach children about manners.

The same holds true for spiritual mannerisms. We bow our heads when we pray. We quote the Ten Commandments or say the Lord’s Prayer. We model a faith walk and quiet times. We teach respect for the church and for God. We display joy, kindness, love and forgiveness toward one another. Children will do and say what is modeled for them.

Continue reading

Editors Note: We are excited to welcome Kay Westwood to our team of writers at Hope 4 Hurting Kids. We have no doubt that her experience as both a parent and a mental health practitioner will be a blessing to the Hope 4 Hurting Kids community.

Sometimes we assume that anger is the only emotion in children that needs to be listened to and addressed. Many times though, particularly with children who are hurting, it is the silence that we should be listening to.

Why do children choose silence?

If you ask a child who is going through dramatic changes in their life if they’re okay, they will most likely say “yes.” Why is this, if it’s not what they mean? It’s because: Continue reading