From KidsHealth.org, “An Explanation of Divorce for Kids” is a guide to divorce written specifically for kids.

It starts with a simple explanation of what divorce is:

A divorce happens after a husband and wife decide not to live together anymore and that they no longer want to be married to each other. They agree to sign legal papers that make them each single again and allow them to marry other people if they want to.

From there, the article explains that “Divorce Is Tough For Everyone,” and includes the important reminders that “Kids Don’t Cause Divorce” and “Kids Can’t Fix Divorce.”

If your parents are getting a divorce, or you know someone whose parents are divorced, this is a great resource to find out the basics about divorce.

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On the issue of why divorce threatens a child’s sense of being, Andrew Root writes in his book, The Children of Divorce: The Loss of Family as a Loss of Being:

It is my belief that our humanity (and very being) is upheld in community. for each one of us, the most significant and core of these communities is the one mad up of a biological mother and father. Witout their community, their would be no child. So when that community is destroyed, it is a threat to the child’s being. Divorce, therefore, should be seen as OT just the slit of a social unit, but the break of the community in which the child’s identity sts. Divorce is much more than a psychological or sociological reality. It is about something deeper than economic advantage, psychological stability, or social capital. Divorce is a threat to a child’s very ontology, to his or her very being…when the community that rated a child dissolves, the child is left exposed not only psychologically and socially, but ontologically.

It the remainder of the book, he skillfully and convincingly argues that the reason so many people underestimate the impact of divorce of children is because they do not realize the ontological impacts of divorce. Ontology is the branch of metaphysics that deals with the study of the nature of existence or being. In other words, Root shows how divorce not only impacts a child emotionally and socially, but at the very core, divorce causes children to question their very sense of being. after all, if the two people who created a child are no longer together, and the community they spent their first years in no longer exists, why do they exist?

Root explains how, as children, we draw our sense of being primarily from the family we are a part of. When that family is torn apart, the child not only must adjust to the many changes that divorce brings but also wrestle with why they even exist. The book is a “deep read,” but I do recommend it for anyone who knows or works with children. If you work with any number of kids, statistics show that you likely work with some whose parents have divorced. This book will help you to understand what they are going through.

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In “On the Importance of Parents Getting Along After A Divorce” from the Huffington Post, Shanon Bradley-Colleary shares an important first hand account on the importance of her parents getting along after their divorce.  So many times, children of divorce are left reeling and wondering why they even exist in the face of their parents divorce.  Ms. Bradley-Colleary’s experience was what you might call a success story:

Sitting at a table listening to my parent’s talk about these escapades — with my stepmom laughing along — made me feel like I am something more than a beloved mistake. They had a history and a story that had nothing to do with me, but everything to do with me becoming the person I am today.

I love my parents — the three I have remaining and my stepdad Guido who is gone, but has left his mark on me too. Despite all of my poor-me-child-of-divorce-violin-in-A-minor sonatas, I had great parents. I have great parents. And I’m grateful, grateful, grateful that they love each other. Thanks mom and dad.

ARTICLE LINK: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/shannon-colleary/when-your-divorced-parent_b_3007254.html

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About the Book

Tell Me About When Moms and Dads Go to Jail is both a book for children about when mom or dad goes to jail and also a guide for parents and other helping adults to help kids deal with incarcerated parents.

Who Is This Book For?

This book is aimed primarily at elementary aged kids from 6 to 11 and the adults who love them.

Our Synopsis of the Book

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Anger is a common emotion in children of divorce – anger at their parents, anger at siblings, anger at circumstance, anger at themselves, anger ant the world, and anger at God.

We saw this over and over again in the survey we are currently conducting of adult children of divorce (names have been changed to protect confidentiality, the numbers following the name represent age at the time of divorce and age at time of survey).

Chloe echoed a very common view of God amongst children of divorce:

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Families Change is a site from the Justice Education Society in British Columbia. It is a guide for teens to parental separation and divorce. Written on a teen level it deals with what is happening, changes, emotions, strategies, the law, and frequently asked questions. The website is also available in French.

Families Change explains why it exists:

Separation and divorce have a profound impact on all family members. Loss of security is often coupled with intense feelings of grief. The stress can be overwhelming for kids, teens and parents.

Within each section, various issues facing teens whose parents are separated or divorced are addressed including: Continue reading

In speaking to parents, one thing we hear over and over is something to the effect of, “I really think my children benefit from the divorce because…” In 2013, HuffPost Divorce asked the following on Facebook and Twitter:

“We want to know: What’s one way your child has actually benefited from your divorce?”

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Divorce is hard. There is no doubt about it. When parents divorce, kids will mourn the loss of their intact family, the loss of time and availability of one or both parents and the loss of life as they had know it. Divorce hurts, and kids suffer – most often they suffer more than even their parents who are getting divorced. But, there is hope. Things can get better, and though life will never be the same, it is possible to create a new normal.

Psalm 126 is a Psalm of new beginnings. It recounts times in the past where God has restored the fortunes of his people. It reminds us that:

Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy! [Psalms 126:5 ESV]

God does not promise us a life devoid of trials and tribulations. However, in a relationship with him we can find joy. Out of the sadness of our lives, God can and does bring us joy and contentment. There will come a day when God will wipe every tear away from the face of believers, and we can hope in that day. However, the Bible also tells us that God has, can and will turn tears shed today into joy tomorrow.

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From MU Extension at the University of Missouri-Columbia, “Activities for Helping Children Deal With Divorce” suggests a multitude of activities that parents can do with their children to “help them work through their feelings, concerns and frustrations regarding the divorce.”  Though specifically designed for parents, these activities can generally be done by any caring adult with a child of divorce.

By way of introduction, the article explains:

The process of divorce is a challenging life transition for both parents and children. During a divorce, children often feel a variety of conflicting emotions. Parents should provide their children with understanding and support. This guide aims to help parents support their children and help them work through their feelings, concerns and frustrations regarding the divorce.

Specific details and ideas are included for each of the types of activities which include: Continue reading

Talk about memories – today is my youngest son Nathan’s eleventh birthday. I wrote this article on his fifth birthday.

I remember the day he was born like it was yesterday. Of my four kids, he is the only one born after I received Christ (something I did shortly after his older sister was born), and I marveled at the grace of God in my life and in that moment. The room was filled with his mother, of course, me, my mother-in-law, my sister-in-law and various well wishers as the day went on. Shortly after Nathan was born, a family friend brought his two older brothers and older sister to the hospital to meet their new baby brother. It was, by all accounts, a momentous day and a memory I will hold on to for the rest of my life. No doubt, Nathan’s brother and sister feel the same.

Today, we have another a special day planned. We are off to one of the nation’s best children’s museums to play and learn and generally have a good time as a family. There will be pouting and probably some yelling and screaming. The kids will balk when they can’t have everything they want from the souvenir store, and mom and dad will likely be exhausted by the end of the day. We’ll find some place to have a birthday dinner and track down a cake somewhere to celebrate, and of course there are presents to open. My wife and I have worked hard, and spent a little bit of money, to create a memory that will, hopefully, make a mark on his young life and live with him as he grows.

The children’s museum we are going to is not in our hometown, so we spent part of yesterday driving to stay at a hotel. We got there about 20 minutes before the pool closed for the night, but I had promised the kids we would swim, so we headed down for our dunk in the pool. The time was short, and we didn’t do anything special (just threw a football around in the water), but I have found that those moments tend to stick with my kids as much as, if not more, than the manufactured moments.

Three Types of Memories

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