Recently I was ministering to a lady that was new to our area. She was from another state and had just moved here. She said she had to get out of an abusive marriage so she came to live with a relative and for some peace and quiet while she sorted out her thoughts.
I am always for trying to save a marriage. Unless the children are in an unsafe environment and the mom’s (or dad’s) safety is at risk, then I will mention the possibility of saving a marriage. As per my normal questions, I asked if there was any hope her marriage could be saved. She almost shouted at me,
“NO! I’ll never go back! Not after what he has put me through.”
I offered to take her through a program called “Choosing Wisely Before You Divorce.” It is about saving one’s marriage. I’ve used it several times. It has some thought provoking questions that help one sort through their feelings wisely before a couple divorces. I’ve seen several marriages saved with this program. If a marriage can’t be helped then this program gives helps for setting some boundaries for oneself as the couple moves towards divorce.
I asked her about her plans; her boundaries and what she would do if he followed her to our area. She had no plans. She had no boundaries, and I knew right then and there that she would go back to him. I knew because she had no plans; hadn’t set any boundaries and hadn’t been able to really think through the situation. She had only survived and probably had only been surviving for several years. Her brain was set on surviving in the moment.