H4HK FAQs: Did I Cause My Parents’ Divorce?

Did I Cause My Parents' DivorceThis may seem like a silly question to you.  If it does, that’s great, but there are lots of kids who ask themselves the question, did I cause my parents’ divorce.

Did You Cause Your Parents’ Divorce?

Do you ever wondered if you did something to cause your parents’ divorce?  Do you ever wonder if your parents would still be together if you had behaved better or kept your room cleaner or been nicer to your little sister?  There is a simple answer to those questions, and the question: “Did I cause my parents’ divorce?”

That answer is:


What Caused Your Parents’ Divorce?

Nothing that you did caused your parents to divorce!  And, there is nothing you could have done to keep them from getting divorced in the first place.  Divorce is an adult decision that your parents made based on what they thought would be best.  It is not a decision that is made in a day or a moment.  How you behaved this morning or the fact that you broke Mom’s favorite picture frame have nothing to do with their decision to get a divorce.  Your behavior and your attitude and your decisions have consequences of their own, but they did not influence your parents’ decision to get a divorce.  Chances are your parents were having problems getting along with each other long before they ever told you about the divorce.

It’s Not Your Fault

Sometimes parents do not do a good job of reminding children that the divorce is not their fault.  They may get caught up in their own stuff following a divorce and forget to talk to you about what actually called the divorce.  If you have questions about why your parents are divorced, or getting a divorce, go ahead and ask them.  If they won’t give you any answers, find another trusted adult (like a family friend or someone from church) and talk to them about your concerns.  If you still think that you caused the divorce, make sure you talk to someone about it.

Whenever you start to wonder about whether or not you did something to cause the divorce, remember these five words:


Find answers to other frequently asked questions on our H4HK FAQs Page. For more resources and information on divorce, family disruption and modern families please visit our Hope 4 Hurting Kids Divorce and Modern Family Help Center.

H4HK FAQs are designed to answer questions kids and teens ask when facing difficult situations and circumstances in their lives.

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Written by Wayne Stocks
Wayne is the founder and executive director of Hope 4 Hurting Kids. He is a happily married father of four kids with a passion for helping young people who are going through rough times. In addition to Hope 4 Hurting Kids, Wayne previously started I Am A Child of Divorce and Divorce Ministry 4 Kids to help kids who are dealing with the disruption of their parents' relationship. These are now part of Hope 4 Hurting Kids. Wayne speaks frequently at conferences and churches on issues related to helping kids learn to deal with difficult emotions and life in modern families. Wayne lives with his wife, three youngest kids, three dogs and an insane collection of his kids' other pets outside of Columbus, Ohio. In addition to his work with Hope 4 Hurting Kids, Wayne is a partner in a local consulting firm, an avid reader, coaches his son's soccer team and is a proud supporter of Leicester City Football Club (and yes, for those in know, his affinity for the club does predate the 2016 championship). You can reach Wayne at wayne@hope4hurtingkids.com.