I love working in children’s ministry.  God has blessed me with the opportunity to tell young children about Him. That is one the greatest blessings He has ever bestowed on me. Leading a small group of children is one of my favorite things to do in children’s ministry.  I love to talk to, interact with, disciple and to dig into the Word of God with them.  I love to build relationships with them, and I believe that God has gifted me in this area.  I have been privileged to experience many joyous and significant moments through my work with children. However, there have also been moments which have broken my heart and sent me to my knees in prayer.

I will never forget one particular Sunday afternoon when I was leading a group of kindergarteners and first graders.  We had worked through all of the small group activities for that particular weekend, and I was taking advantage of the extra time to get them know them all a little bit better.  We were talking about the usual suspects – pets, siblings, school, friends, etc.  I was asking some questions to try to get them talking, and we started talking about what each of them had done that weekend.  I asked the typical questions.  Had they done anything fun?  Did they spend the day with their Mom and Dad? Did they play with their pets?

As we went around the table, each child shared how they had spent their weekend thus far.  Then, I it came time for one little girl to share what she had done that weekend:

We spent yesterday packing up the house in boxes.

Being just a little naïve, and not realizing what was coming next,  I pressed a little harder,

Oh, are you moving?  Where are you moving to?  We’re going to miss you if you move far away.

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Children dealing with loss and trauma are generally dealing with emotions they have never felt before. Alternatively, they are dealing with an intensity of emotions they have never felt before. Either way, they are ill-equipped to deal with those emotions. Your job is to find tools and methods to help them process through those emotions. A feelings wheel is a valuable tool.

The first step in helping any child deal with difficult emotions (regardless of the source of those emotions) will be to help them recognize and name the emotions they are feeling. Feelings wheels are a simple and effective tool to increase a child’s “emotion vocabulary,” and many options are available online. These tools are all useful for kids who have been through some sort of traumatic life event. They are also useful for giving any child a more robust emotional vocabulary. Teaching kids about emotions prior to trauma and pain is an important preventative measure in dealing with the hurts they will experience as they move through childhood and into adulthood. Much of what we learn about emotions is based on our own life experiences. Kids do not have those experiences, as a general rule, in order to be able to understand the emotions they are feeling.

Feelings wheels can be used in a number of way:

1. To help kids experiencing new or unfamiliar emotions to try to find a name for that emotion.
2. To prepare kids ahead of time by exploring different types of emotions.
3. As a “cheat sheet” for emotion vocabulary building games like “emotions charades” or “mirroring emotions.” (Both of these will be addressed in more detail in later posts).
4. To help adults who are not as comfortable with a range of emotions by providing them with a vocabulary for helping kids.

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One new feature on Hope 4 Hurting Kids will be our “Weekend Reading.” Every (read most) weekend, we will provide a link related to working with distressed and hurting children. Sometimes these links provide useful information on working with hurting kids. Other times they will be meant to get you thinking or spark a conversation. As an added bonus, we are presenting our first and last Saturday Link on Tuesday to celebrate Divorce Ministry 4 Kids becoming Hope 4 Hurting Kids.

This is a great article about working with kids in a church setting. So, what are your rules about mentoring and counseling kids and teens?

We are pleased to announce an exciting transition today for Divorce Ministry 4 Kids and Hope 4 Hurting Kids. Effectively immediately, all ministry previously done through Divorce Ministry 4 Kids will be done through Hope 4 Hurting Kids. Articles and information previously hosted at DivorceMinistry4Kids.com will gradually be moved over to Hope4HurtingKids.com, and all future postings will be made on Hope4HurtingKids.com. We are excited about this evolution of the ministry which started over six years ago with the creation of Divorce Ministry 4 Kids, and we look forward to moving ahead and continuing to help hurting kids through Hope 4 Hurting Kids. We recognize that this transition likely raises some questions, and the purpose of this article is to answer those questions to the best of our ability.

Why Is Divorce Ministry 4 Kids becoming Hope 4 Hurting Kids?

There are many reasons we decided to make this switch now. Here are a few of the main reasons:

1. When we started Divorce Ministry or Kids in 2011, our main purpose was to minister to children who had experienced the divorce of their parents. We quickly realized that there were many kids who experience the trauma of family disruption even though their parents havn’t technically divorced. These include kids born to single mothers, living with their grandparents, living with cohabiting parents, gay parent led families and many more. Unfortunately, many of these kids, and the people working with them, would not take advantage of the resources we were offering simply because the name Divorce is in the title of the ministry. The principal reason for the name change is so that these kids can get the help they need.
2. When I launched Divorce Ministry 4 Kids, it was in response to a call I felt to minister to these kids. I liked the name and didn’t do a lot of research on it before we locked up the domain, developed a logo and invested some time and money into it. THEN, I found out there was a great curriculum out there for children of divorce called Divorce Care 4 Kids (DC4K). I have nothing but respect for DC4K. I teach a local DC4K group in my home town and have for years. The writer of DC4K, Linda Ranson Jacobs, is a mentor and has become a great friend. In fact, she has written extensively for Divorce Ministry 4 Kids (and you’ll see many of her articles as we transition those to Hope 4 Hurting Kids). Despite all that, people have always confused the two ministries, and understandably so. This move is designed, in part, to delineate the work and ministry we now do from the curriculum of DC4K.
3. Our ministry has also expanded since we started Divorce Ministry 4 Kids. As we created resources for, and worked with, kids dealing with the trauma of family disruption, we discovered that those same resources and that same information is helpful to kids who are experiencing all different types of circumstances and difficulties. For example, over the last few years a major portion of our work has focused on resources and training related to helping kids to deal with difficult emotions. These emotions like anger, depression, anxiety and stress are prevalent in the case of family disruption, but they are obviously not limited to just family disruption. Our ministry has expanded to include kids in all types of situations, and the people working with them, and the move to Hope 4 Hurting Kids more accurately the work we are currently doing.

Has There Been Any Turnover in People?

No. Hope 4 Hurting Kids and Divorce Ministry 4 Kids have always been related. They were both started by Wayne Stocks, and for a long time, Divorce Ministry 4 Kids was a “proud member of Hope 4 Hurting Kids.” The individuals behind the two ministries are the same and this is simply a rebranding/simplification of the ministry we have always been doing.

What Changes Can We Expect from this Transition?

You will see the following changes if you currently follow Divorce Ministry 4 Kids or are searching for one of our resources:

• Effective immediately, any new articles and resources that would previously have been posted on DivorceMinistry4Kids.com will be posted at Hope4HurtingKids.com.
• You will also begin to see articles and resources not specifically designed for children from disrupted homes but which may still be beneficial to children dealing with the fall out from a family disruption.
• If you follow Divorce Ministry 4 Kids in a blog reader, Facebook, Twitter, etc. you will want to follow Hope 4 Hurting Kids from hereon out (more on how to do that below).
• Articles and resources previously published on Divorce Ministry 4 Kids will slowly be reissued on Hope 4 Hurting Kids. These articles will be republished in their entirety (and at times updated) and taken down from Divorce Ministry 4 Kids. We are working hard to make sure that any links to Divorce Ministry 4 Kids will be redirected to Hope 4 Hurting Kids so that any old links will still lead people to the right place, but we would ask that any new links to these articles be linked to Hope 4 Hurting Kids.
• Future workshops and presentations will be done under the moniker of Hope 4 Hurting Kids rather than Divorce Ministry 4 Kids.

What Won’t Change?

• • We will still be helping kids who need it and teaching other people how to do the same. We have believed from the beginning, and continue to believe, that the mission of helping these kids dictates that we produce and provide the highest quality information and resources that we can. That goal will continue at Hope 4 Hurting Kids.

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When Divorce Ministry 4 Kids launched in 2011, I took the time to introduce myself as the founder of that ministry. I have neglected to do that here on Hope 4 Hurting Kids. The following is an introduction that I wrote back in 2011 for Divorce Ministry 4 Kids which I have now been updated to include the last six years.

I am, first and foremost, a sinner saved by grace.  I will save that testimony for another time, but if you are really interested you can find it here.

I am married to Tricia and the father of four kids: Joshua (23), Jacob (15), Lyndsey (13) and Nathan (9).  God has worked through my relationships with my wife and kids to teach more about Him than He has through any other method, and that is just one of the reasons that I am eternally grateful for all of them.

I did not grow up in church – far from it. As a child, we used to attend Catholic Mass once a year at Christmas time, but that was the extent of my exposure to God. After my third child (Lyndsey) was born, some friends invited us to their church. They had actually invited me previously, but that was the first time I actually took them up on the offer. I felt like I owed it to my kids to check out this whole “God thing.” So, I accepted their invitation, and I started to research. I read the Bible, and I started to read anything I could get my hands on about the Bible. Through that process, and through the church I was attending at the time, God drew me into his kingdom when I was 30 years old.

A few months later there was a need to fill a spot in the two-year-old room, and I had a nagging small group leader, so I “volunteered.” That year, I fell in love with working with God’s kids. The following year, the need was in the 2^nd grade room, so I moved up and agreed to start doing some of the large group teaching. What started as a once-a-month commitment quickly became an every week schedule and a daily pursuit, and God showed me the joy of teaching His Kids about Him.

After that, due to some other circumstances, my family and I changed churches. I was out of Children’s Ministry for about a year-and-a-half. It was during that time that I really felt God’s tug on my life and realized that working in children’s ministry was not just something that I was doing to fill a need but something that He had called me to do. I couldn’t have been happier about that calling! I immersed myself in the world of children’s ministry.

In addition to the call to teach children about God, I felt like God was calling me to encourage and equip others who work with children so I started blogging about my family and my work in children’s ministry at a blog called Dad in the Middle. I started the blog to collect my thoughts and write about the things I am passionate about in my life – those being God, My family and children’s ministry. I won’t go into details on the name of the blog, but you can find more about it on the About page of the website.

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There are so many hurting kids out there who need a new home. Thank God for good foster parents and adoptive parents who don’t judge these kids but love them through. Check out this powerful video on the importance of really understanding hurting kids.

The video can be found at http://vimeo.com/73172036. It is also available on Youtube at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOeQUwdAjE0&feature=youtu.be.

ReMoved Past 2 is also now available

The makers of ReMoved explain the reason behind the videos: Continue reading

Here at Hope for Hurting Kids, we strive to point you to resources which can help kids, teens, and those who love them deal with some of the many issues kids face today. One way we choose to do that is to offer extensive boards on Pinterest compiling resources and links to resources on a variety of topics. This allows us to make more resources available quicker to help you. You can find our collection of boards on a variety of topics at http://pinterest.com/hope4hurtkids/.

On Pinterest, our goal is to link to as many resources as possible which may be useful. In order to accomplish this, we do not always review each resource which we pin. We also realize that some people are not Pinterest users (note: you do not have to have a Pinterest account in order to utilize our resources). So, we have decided to feature the best of our Pinterest boards here on the site on a regular basis in a feature we call Pinterest Spotlight.

This week we turn to our “Emotions – Anxiety and Stress” Board which features resources to help kids and teens deal with things like anxiety, fear and panic attacks. For kids, these emotions can be the result of circumstances in their lives (like divorce of their parents, bullying, etc.) or just a general sense of impending doom.

Today’s featured pin comes to us from anxietyreliefstree.com which is a website developed by Jennifer Johnson as a result of her own struggles with anxiety. In this infographic, she offers five tips for helping people of any age to relieve anxiety.

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When you think about hurting kids, one of the first thing that comes to mind is children who have been abused or neglected.  Over 1.2 million children suffer harm from child abuse or neglect per year. That equates to 17.1 children per 1,000 or approximately 1 in every 58 children. When children who are endangered by abuse or neglect are added to those figures, the numbers rise to over 2.9 million kids or 39.5 per thousand. That equates to one in every 25 children. The reach and magnitude of abuse and neglect are as varied as the forms of abuse and the types of children who experience it.

In the article “When The Bough Breaks,” Martin Johnson wrote:

“Perhaps the most important part of understanding child abuse is realizing the depth of physical and emotional pain the child victim must feel. As adults in ministry to children, we can see the crisis intellectually, yet it’s extremely difficult for us to genuinely empathize with the hurt and isolation the child feels – unless we’ve felt it too. And sometimes we simply don’t recognize that real, serious, ongoing abuse is taking place in the homes of some of the children we minister to every week. Sometimes, we just don’t realize the problem.”

WHAT ARE ABUSE AND NEGLECT?

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If you discover that a child is being abused, or if a child comes right out and tells you, it can be an uncomfortable situation, and it is often difficult to find the “right thing” to say to them. Many times there is no “right thing” to say, but you can be prepared by knowing how to handle the situation. Here are some suggestions.

1. Avoid Denial and Remain Calm

If your actions, tone or words reveal a sense of denial or shock or disgust, the child may react by shutting down. You need to remain as calm and as reassuring as you possibly can. Don’t be afraid to talk about it. If children sense that you are afraid to talk, they will not bring it up and they will definitely not open up. Remember, children don’t benefit from “not thinking about it” or “putting things out of their mind.” They benefit from talking about their emotions and working through what they have experienced.

2. Listen to what they have to say and empathize with them

So many times, our natural inclination is to want to jump straight to problem solving or solution mode. A child who has been abused or neglected, and is willing to talk to you about it, is crying out to be listened to. Be a person that they can talk to, cry with and mourn with. Remember that empathy is not the same thing as feeling sorry for them.

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There’s a new way to get help here on Hope 4 Hurting Kids.  This past weekend, we launched our presence and efforts to accumulate useful information on Pinterest.  If you’re on Pinterest, you know that it can be a wealth of information. Unfortunately, sometimes it is so much information that it’s hard to find exactly what you’re looking for. Our goal here at Hope 4 Hurting Kids is to draw your attention to information and resource to help young people who are hurting because of the events and circumstances in their lives. We will continue to do that here on this blog, but Pinterest gives us an opportunity and ability to share more information in a more immediate way.

On our Pinterest site, you will find boards (a collection of pins/links to useful information and resources) in the following categories:

• Resources for Hurting Kids
• Abuse and Neglect
• Divorce and Family Disruption
• Emotions – General
• Emotions – Anger
• Emotions – Anxiety and Fear
• Emotions – Depression
• Emotions – Grief
• Emotions – Stress
• Forgiveness
• Group Activities
• Holidays
• Incarcerated Parents
• Inspiration
• Modern Families – Coparenting
• Modern Families – Single Parent Families
• Modern Families – Step/Blended Families
• Poverty / Financial Issues
• Self-Harm / Cutting
• Suicide
• Stories from the Front Lines
• Dealing with Tragedy

We will also be adding additional boards as we see the need.  Make sure to head over Pinterest and check us out. If you are a Pinterest user, and you’d like to be able to post to our boards, please contact wayne@hope4hurtingkids.com and request to be added as a contributor (please indicate which boards you would like to be able to post to).

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